Joan: Drop Dead Diva (Joan Rivers Returns) ebook

Contents

Copyright

Dedication

About the Author

Chapter One - Departure and Arrival

Chapter Two - What the f**k is this place?

Chapter Three - I am job, I am job

Chapter Four - Let's get ready to rumble

Chapter Five - How can we make it work?

Chapter Six - The Insider

Chapter Seven - Before we fly away

Chapter Eight - Spies 'r' Us

Chapter Nine - Let's Fly Away

Chapter Ten - Conspiration

Chapter Eleven - In the Air

Chapter Twelve - London by Night

Chapter Thirteen - RIP on trip ?

Chapter Fourteen - Weird on a Wire

Chapter Fifteen - Mon got a job!

Chapter Sixteen - Is that a beach?

Chapter Seventeen - First day

Chapter Eighteen - What is this about?

Chapter Nineteen - Paradise city

Chapter Twenty - Paradise city - part 2

Chapter Twenty-One - T.r.o.u.b.l.e

Chapter Twenty-Two - Somebody's somebody

Chapter Twenty-Three - Say Bye Bye ... NOW

Chapter Twenty-Four - Joan to the rescue

Chapter Twenty-Five - Exposed

Chapter Twenty-Six - On air in 3-2-1

Chapter Twenty-Seven - Big premiere

Fun Facts

Contact Author

Notes

Notes

Notes

Notes

Notes

Notes

JOAN: DROP

DEAD DIVA

JOAN: DROP DEAD DIVA

Rafal Kudlinski

2015

Copyright © 2015 by Rafal Kudlinski.

All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-83-931465-4-3

Title: Joan: Drop Dead Diva (First Edition Feb. 2015)

Country of first publication: Poland

Published by: ITQ Media Publishing House

Cover art by: Piotr Mieczkowski and Rafal Kudlinski

No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law. This book is a satire and total work of fiction. Some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of the people involved

For more information about the author visit the websiteat: http://www.rafalkudlinski.com

Special Thanks and Acknowledgements

- Many thanks to Joan Rivers for thousands of hours of fun. Whether it was on TV or in the books, you were an inspiration for this novel. I sincerely hope you are having even more fun, wherever you are. You will be greatly missed!

- Many thanks to my best friend Piotr Mieczkowski for assembling such a great cover for the book. You always deliver exceptional results. Thanks Bro!

- Katarzyna and Monika, I do not know if I deserve such fantastic friends/fans. I love you babes.

- Big thanks to people who donated through crowdfunding campaign: Piotr Sokołowski, Chris Thornborrow, Bartosz Londzin,Krzysztof Minicki, Paweł Matysiak. You ROCK!

To my Mom and Grandmother.

Thank you for being coolest, fun and caring, loving and plain awesome!

Love Ya!

About the Author

Rafal Kudlinski is a Polish physicist and journalist. His career choices were very diverse. During high school years, he was fascinated by science-fiction television shows like Quantum Leap, Buck Rogers in the 25th Century, Alien Nation and Time Trax, which led him to the first stage of his education as a physicist. In 2003, he graduated from Wroclaw University of Technology with a degree in computer physics. During his studies, he became obsessed with Hollywood stars. When Internet approached “BigBang” years, he started to create websites for all the stars he loved and admired, starting with Scott Bakula and ending with Hugh Jackman. He was an avid viewer of E! Entertainment network and always dreamed to work for this crazy channel. Unfortunately, life took a different turn and led him once again in a different direction to pursue a stable career. In 2004, he graduated from Wroclaw University of Economics with post-grad diploma in quality assurance. Life was good and he had a steady job, but the dream of becoming a journalist and the desire to become a part of the media world started to bite again. In 2008, he started his third degree in Journalism and Social Communication at the University of Wroclaw, and graduated in 2010. The same year he started NEWSFix Magazine with his best friend Piotr and also published his first book on themed television channels, which he dedicated to students of journalism. Joan: Drop Dead Diva is his first novel, which he decided to write the moment he heard Joan Rivers is dead. Joan was very special to him. As much he admires true artists he hates pseudo-celebrities who have nothing special but gain popularity with the masses.

Dear Reader/Friend!

First of all, a big THANK YOU for purchasing this book. I sincerely hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed creating it. The reason for writing this “fantasy” adventure was simple. We have lost one of the best comediennes that graced our planet so far. Joan Rivers was unique, at times harsh and bitchy, but in most cases very accurate with her jokes. Joan Drop Dead Diva is the first part in trilogy that will be published during the next few years.

To enjoy this book even more, please turn on and listen to your favorite music. It can be catchy pop songs or classical music, whatever tricks your body to feel good.

All the best!

Rafal

Come on … Turn the music on …:)

Believe me, reading experience will be more enjoyable.

CHAPTER ONE

Departure and Arrival

Where the fuck am I? Shit, my voice is back and I sound better than Britney during her last Las Vegas concert. It’s strangely quiet here.

Mhmm… It must be it then… I kicked the bucket… I am Drop Dead Diva now….

I wondered what will happen next and guess what, I saw the door with “Exit” sign. I thought, that looks bad. Son of a bitch will have me now. But I am, shit, was a comedienne I never meant to hurt anyone. OK I stood up and approached the door with slight uncertainty. It would be stupid of me to knock but actually I did. No response… Went for the handle and pressed it. The door opened and there was a fucking bright light.

Great, I have problems with my voice and you want me to be freaking blind too? Unknown power sucked me into the brightness. I felt a little dizzy. After awhile I saw a red carpet and there was a huge roar coming in my direction… Marilyn? Audrey? Cary? … I didn’t know whether it was because of this bright light or I was hallucinating. I rubbed my eyes and looked again… I am in heaven, I thought, when everything suddenly paused and I heard a voice.

- Dear Joan it’s not heaven yet. Where you will go for the eternity depends on your behavior. You have three earth years to prove, if you deserve eternal star treatment. Here is your guide. Meet Anne Frank. She will help you settle down in your new home in Hollywood-end. OK, I am messing with you now Joan. It’s somebody very sweet and nice. Nevertheless beware and try to be kind.

OMFG! for the second I was shocked. Anne Frank. I thought I would finally meet this fabulous writer of the 20th century. But hey joke is on me now.

I like it here. You have great sense of humor God. It’s gonna be a fun ride. Let’s meet my assistant.

- Oh hello? Anybody there? Aaaaaaaahhhhhh …

I opened my left eye and noticed I was in bed. Was it just a dream? Everything seemed in place, nothing was moved.

- Hello Joan. How are you … It’s me Anne Frank.

Noooooooooo…

- I am just messing with you. My name is Mary, Mary Fischer. You must be exhausted after… you know what.

I looked at that naughty Mary with “The Look” and answered

- Mary, Mary, Mary … You too? Come on babe let this Anne Frank rest in peace. It’s not funny anymore.

I looked around and it seemed I know the place but was not quite sure. The bed I was sitting on was exactly the same I had in New York, but the room was kind of different. It had two huge windows, a sofa and two armchairs with a beautiful little wooden table in between. Room was in immaculate condition. I turned my head to the right and noticed a fireplace. Just above it there was a lovely painting of a castle near the lake. I approached it and read down below. What? Prince Charles? OK, now I have seen everything.

Fireplace housing was made of fabulously designed marble with a curious looking switch on top of it. You know me I always have to check everything, so I pushed it. Suddenly a picture that was hanging above started to turn around and in a matter of seconds changed to a widescreen television set. It turned on automatically and I noticed a familiar logo on the screen.

It was not E! I worked for all these years. It was Celebrity Network, another trashy channel with fucked up pseudo-celebs wanting attention, I thought. I loved my job of bringing down these idiots without talent. I let it play and went for the door as I heard someone wanted eagerly to get into my room. I didn’t knock this time, hahaha…. I pressed the handle and saw my precious Max looking at me. You son of a bitch (at least in that case I did not offend anyone now). My eyes got wet and I started to cry. I missed my dear friend so much. It was so hard to let him go last year. But hopefully now we will spend eternity together.

I started to go by the corridor in search of bathroom and wardrobe.

-Oh Joan, you have to be ready in 30 minutes. We have a meeting scheduled.

-30 minutes? Are you kidding me? I would need some black magic to get me ready in a such a short period of time. Unless you want me to scare hell out of them, I am ready now babe.

-What is the meeting about anyways?

-I’ll describe everything in the limo. Now please get ready as we can’t be late.

I rushed to the bathroom, got myself fixed as quickly as possible and made not scary enough for people to see me. Not really me, but hey I do not want to spend eternity listening to Rhianna without playback or babysitting Justin Bieber type of brat.

CHAPTER TWO

What the f**k is this place?

The house I was staying at was very nice. Not my type but at least furniture was the kind I would buy for myself. The wardrobe was big enough and had many beautiful evening dresses and outfits that are more official. I always wanted to look fabulous; maybe that’s why I went bezerk with all these cosmetic enhancements. That’s not the point now. I put on a dress that looked more official for the meeting as I had no freaking idea what was it about and went downstairs in search for Mary.

Mary was a very beautiful young woman in her 30s. She had long brown hair and green eyes. She had a spark in her eyes just like Audrey Hepburn at that age. It was very hard to turn away and stop looking at her. She seemed so genuine, authentic and totally not artificial. Dressed in light summer colors was a pure joy to the eye. She must be my guardian angel or something.

I noticed Mary sitting on the terrace and drinking coffee from an exceptionally crafted transparent cup. She turned around and looked at me with a smile.

- Oh Joan. You look very pretty. Please, have a cup of coffee and sit with me. We still have 15 minutes left.

For the moment I thought. Was she kidding? It took me at least 2 hours to make myself useful. What kind of time do they have in here? Doesn’t matter as long as she’s happy.

- Thank you Mary. Could you please tell me more about what am I doing here? What is this place? Is this my type of heaven, hell or something in between?

Mary looked directly into my eyes and said,

- Joan, this is neither heaven nor hell. You have been very good at what you had done in your first life. As we have to live in Hollywood-end for eternity, we need your help to clean up once to be unbelievable area full of artists with dreams and hopes for wonderful eternity. Right now Hollywood-end lost its magic and we think you can bring back the style, grace and talent to our community.

Well, well, that’s good news. The worst that could happen would be to have empty calendar and nothing to do for eternity.

- Do you have any plans for this Mary?

- Actually, Yes I do. It’s time to go now. I’ll tell you more in the limo.

We finished our coffees and went through the hall to the front door. During the walk I noticed many familiar photos but couldn’t remember who the people on them were. Is my memory failing? One picture was bound in Faberge frame and there was a collection of beautifully crafted eggs nearby. When we left outside, limousine was already waiting. Nothing fancy, but a simple new black Lincoln Town Car. Finally, I could see where I am. This is really it, Hollywood-end sign on the hill. If this world is an exact copy of Hollywood, I think I am nearby Lake Hollywood Park. But I have to ask Mary what kind of stuff she prepared for me.

I got into the car. Mary sat in front of me, smiled and opened her calendar.

- OK Joan. Here’s how it goes. We have 3 years to straighten things up. People do not know who you are. You may recognize many of them, but they are not who you think they are. They may seem familiar to what you remember from the past, but this will change in a time.

- So does this mean I will lose all my memories of people I loved?

- Exactly. You have to leave everything behind and focus on what is here and now.

That sucks, I thought. But what the f**k can I complain about. I am dead! So the only thing is to go with the plan and clean this shithole.

- As you have probably already started to notice, all your aches and health problems are disappearing. You won’t be an 81-year-old lady anymore. For others you will look like a fabulous, eloquent lady in her 40s. You will have your own talk show on Public Television Station related to what is happening in Hollywood-end. You know the drill. You already had that kind of assignments in the past.

CHAPTER THREE

I am job, I am job

We have been driving for some time now. It’s hard to keep track on time here as everything seems to be very slow. I looked through the window and noticed we have been driving on N Highland Ave. Sun was starting to rise and sky was beautifully blue with few clouds, almost like in the intro of “The Simpsons”. Kids were in the queue waiting to enter the school. Kids here, I thought.

- Mary are these kids dead too?

- Yes they are. But at least here they can live and enjoy whatever they have missed in the first life.

I briefly smiled and thought about my grandson. I miss him so much.

As we’ve been driving, I have focused on one particular billboard with an ugly bimbo. Who the fuck is that? Big tits, fat ass, face like a used vagina. There was a note “Watch Meet the Farthashians” on Celebrity Network every night.

- Mary who are these Farthashians?

- Oh my Lord, where to start. This family is unbelievable. They came out of nowhere but people who live here love them as they were someone special. This is one of the cases you will work on, but not now. You will have plenty of time to get rid of them from public life.

Driver slowed down a bit. I opened the window and looked at the people as we passed by them. Some of them were happy, some sad. There were homeless people lying on the sidewalk. Are you fucking kidding me? Is this the road to heaven? Can these people have a break after death? Anyone pinch me. This is real not to be Holly “fucking” wood I know.

Mary looked at me and said,

- We’re almost there. Public Television Station is the biggest and best television channel in Hollywood-end. We have the best people working for us. Even though we’re the biggest, Celebrity Network is gaining better results every month with its trashy programs and its stars. People are watching “Meet the Farthashians”, “Cleaning Ladies of Hollywood-end”, “Divas without the Voices”, “Housewives from the Sexy Mansion” or the latest “Spoiled and Dumb Kids of Beverly Halls”. As you can see it’s hard to call it quality viewing. We need old Hollywood-end and you are here to help us get it back.

- It looks like our Hollywood. Dumb celebs and nothing to laugh about.

Having said that, we arrived at the studio. And it was huge. The entire building was made of glass in the shape of a TV. It was kind of funny looking one. From the distance you could distinguish all the features of an old looking TV set from the 1980s. I wonder if there is another one that looks like VCR. Holly mother of Jesus, there is one. As we passed by the main building and went for the back entrance, there were two more buildings, one looked like VCR and the other like an old computer. I wonder if Steve Jobs works there, hahaha....

We stopped near the entrance. It was simply amazing. Several shaped fields of beauteous flowers and gorgeous looking palm trees between them. Smell was unbelievable.

We entered the building. Two nice looking guys were sitting at the reception. They stood up when we passed by them. I said, “Good Morning”, and gave them a big smile. I am starting to like being 40-something years old bombshell again. I even winked at them. What the hell, I still got it ;). We approached and entered the elevator. Mary pushed 7th floor.

The ride was quick and we arrived to the destination in no time. My assistant was already waiting in front of the elevator door.

- Good Morning.

I have replied with the same.

- Hello, How do you do?

Mary started the formal introduction and said.

-Joan, this is Monique Szymolinsky, she will be your personal assistant. Monique, this is Joan, new daytime talk show host.

For a second I thought, another fucking foreigner. Linsky, Linsky …, shit, she could almost be my family.

- Hi Mon, what’s up?

- I am job, I am job …

What the hell is this? Does that bitch speak any English? Or is this Mrs. Doubtfire type of joke?

- Sorry babe, the position has been filled.

I have noticed a smile on Mary’s and Monique’s faces. Those bitches are really messing up with me big time.

- OK, OK, I got the joke blah blah blah … let’s move, where is the office?

CHAPTER FOUR

Let's get ready to rumble

The office space on the 7th floor was very well organized. It wasn’t made of glass as the outside of the building, thank God! We went straight to my office. It was so great with an astonishing view of palm trees and flower fields. Spacious and accommodating at the same time, it was equipped with a lovely crafted desk in the middle and many bookstands around. On the wall, there was a big TV just hanging like a painting.

On the desk I noticed a portable computer and a smartphone. I was a bit surprised that the room did not have few items.

- Mary dear, it gets very little to make me happy, you should know that by now. Would it be possible to have a mini-fridge in here? Oh! wait … will I get fat in this world too?

- Yes and yes you will, she answered.

- In that case add a treadmill as well. Preferably with a phone attached to it. I have the greatest ideas when I work out.

- No problem. They will be ready tomorrow. Now let’s get started. I have prepared all the bios of the people you will work on. All are on the computer. Plus you will be able to watch some of the programs on TV as I made a selection of the lowest of the low.

- Thanks Mary, You’re the best.

Mary and Monique left the office and I could have some piece of quiet and not to think for a moment. I sat in my big leather armchair. I spun around once and looked at the view from the windows. I felt calmness coming onto me. I was missing this feeling for quite a long time. I never thought peace and quiet would bring something good, just opposite.

- Miss Joan, wake up.

I have opened my eyes and Monique was standing right beside me. I must have dosed off for a moment.

- Hey Mon, I can call you Mon, right? You can call me Joan.

- Of course, Joan! Mon is fine. I have brought you lunch.

- Lunch in the office? No way, I am not like that.

- Fresh salad, and for main course, steamed fish covered in caviar sauce.

That sounded familiar and I have almost felt the taste of my favorite New York restaurant. What the hell…!

- Bring it Mon. I’ll be happy to have it.

Food was fabulously prepared, delivered and was a pure joy to eat. It took me some time to finish it as I didn’t want to end it so fast.

Afterwards I turned on the TV. Mosaic of windows showed up with various shows playing. I have chosen the one that seemed not so bad to the eye.

TV started to play episode of the show “Divas without the Voices”. Short introduction at the beginning explained to me that this is some sort of comeback show for music divas from the past.

Announcer said:

In this fabulous divalicious episode we will meet once “white chick” from the Old York City with magnificent voice. America’s End Sweetheart: Marey Krey. After marvelous career few decades ago, when people loved her voice and her fantastic personality she is now diva without a voice. She is kinda white diva who went “black and Waco” and makes fantastic music nobody wants to listen and buy … Let’s welcome Marey Krey.

Hahaha... It does not sound so bad. Of course it’s not high quality program but it seems funny. I wonder what comes next.

In this episode Marey will meet with another forgotten singer Jeannette Jenkinson who was popular once, but unfortunate tour of events totally changed her career for the worse. Will those divas make a spectacular return? That is the main theme for upcoming season. Our team of experts will guide our stars of the past how to become once again women on top of the world.

He continued:

Let’s meet our panel of experts. Fantastic one in a million Farthashian Family … and one of the best rappers on the planet Lamey East.

Holly crap, it’s that bimbo from the billboard, vagina face with enormous butt. But who the fuck is that Lamey? By looking at his deformed face and behavior, I can honestly say he is a morooooon right now.

Lamey stood up and started to cheer the crowd in the audience, like a monkey on drugs.

Yeah bitches, I am Lamey East, the best motherfucker rapper on the planet. On my concerts even crippled people on wheelchairs must stand up. Marey, Jeannette, I will show you how to do it … You will be on the Edge of heaven soon … everybody will love you like they love me … yeahhhhh whoooo hhhaaaaaa.

Yeah right, like this is going to happen. What kind of moron would buy his records anyways? I think I will spare those babes some troubles and invite them to my show here on PTS. Maybe there is a hope for them after all.

I took a note on the computer about those fallen stars with the suggestions for the meeting on my talk show. Jeez I forgot even to ask Mary what is the name of this show I am hosting. But it’s a first day here so I think I have more time.

I took a break from watching and went for a short walk in the office. I thought introducing myself to other people on the show would be a good idea.

I have no idea how it could be possible but people working at PTS were happy. All smiling and polite. Is this just a cover or this place is a heaven?

The office space was very well organized. There was a huge wall in between with approximately 20 TVs running different channels simultaneously on both sides so everyone could see it.

Noticeable office appeared when I crossed by desks of the newsroom. The name at the entrance had Mandy Williamson on it. They were wide open I have knocked, do’h it’s obvious. People remember to knock it may save you an unnecessary heart attack or marriage.

Anyways, Mandy was on the phone talking to someone. She was a fabulous looking black woman with bright smile on the face and freaking number of wigs around the desk. She was laughing many times during conversation. She had noticed me, gave me a huge smile and waved. Her conversation finished shortly afterwards.

- How you doin’ babe. You look hot …. and who the hell are you? I am just kidding.

- Joan here, I am the new host of the celebrity talk show.

- What’s the name of the show?

Ooops! I should have asked for that earlier. Had to make up some name so here it goes.

- It’s “Joan is ON”.

- Catchy, but I think it’s a different name. I am Mandy Williamson and I am a co-host of the new show “How you doin’ with Joan and Mandy”.

Mandy started to laugh out loud. I got a bit embarrassed but started to laugh with her. What else could I do? I am the person who easily laughs at herself.

- OK Mandy, You got me. I made the name just now. It’s my first day here.

- Not a problem. I guess I know a little bit more than you do.

- I have only watched short previews of some dummy show you probably heard about. It’s “Divas without the Voices”. I still need to get more information on what is going on in here.

- I am telling you now Joan, with two of us together it’s going to be out of this world. You will see.

CHAPTER FIVE

How can we make it work?

After some laughs with Mandy we decided to have a dinner in the restaurant somewhere in the city. As I had no idea where to go, it was up to Mandy to choose the place. We took the limo that drove me here in the morning and went to the city.

Hollywood-end was just a part of the city known here as Lost Angels. We started our ride at 6 p.m. and it was getting a little bit darker. The city looked much better at night as there were so many flashing buildings, billboards and other type of lights. Mandy have chosen “The Supper Room” restaurant in Santa Magdalena near the ocean and the beach. We had a table booked for 8 p.m.

Before arrival, we took a short walk near the beach. We have been walking for about 30 minutes and I enjoyed the scenery very much. I haven’t seen such a beautiful sunset in a long time. It was relaxing experience and good start to a fabulous evening with my new pal Mandy.

Restaurant was located in the hotel. It was quite nice place. We had reservation for a nice table with little bit more privacy than the others.

Mandy assured me that food served there is really high quality and is very tasty. During our walk on the beach she already described the best dish she had there, an Indian dish named “Undhiyu”.

As I am always up for good food, I waited with anticipation to get a bite I never had before in my life.

We sat at our table.

- So Joan. We’re going to be hosting a new show on PTS. From what I know, we got the best time slot and the best days. Are you happy to have your own show?

- Mandy dear, this experience is not new to me. I already had so many talk shows in the past on so many TV networks, I hardly remember them all.

- You are not that old. You are 35–40 years old. How many jobs could you have?

- Believe me I had plenty. I have sharp tongue and I say what I think, even if it is inappropriate. In most cases people laugh out loud. Basically I say things that people are afraid to say. Can you live with that?

- How you doin’ babe? I am pretty much the same. Love people and interact with them. I hate bad taste and love wigs.

- Say what?

- Wigs darling. Every day new shoes, new dress, new wig ... Hush, Hush … Who cares! I want to feel fabulous darling. I do not much care what others say about me. But have noticed other people care what I say about them. Strange isn’t it?

Mandy was talking and talking and talking about herself for the next 20 minutes or so. I thought I am mother “talker” but hey, she wins this round.

The main course arrived to our table and, for a second, I thought, “Thank You Lord for this fabulous food and closing mouth of my co-host for awhile”.

Do not understand me wrong. I already started to like Mandy very much. She has a drive and she is very funny to look at. Her face has constant smile written on. If I only knew such people in the past, my life would have been even funnier.

Back to the food. It was a fierce mix of flavors that came from seasonal vegetables and special combination of herbs and spices. As a bonus, we got deep-fried Indian bread. The taste was explosive. If you ever had Indian food in your life, you know what I am talking about. But it was a pleasure to eat. It left me with happy feeling. Mandy enjoyed her food too. It wasn’t the first time she ate it here so it was not such a surprise to her as it was to me.

After a while we have ordered something sweet to loosen up some spices in our bellies as they were on fire.

- Joan, do not get me wrong or anything. Are you single sweetheart?

- Yes, I am Mandy. I was in relationship before but it suddenly ended. I do not want to talk about it, forgive me.

- Oh no! Joan it’s your business. I was wondering if we could go on some sort of vacation and get to know one another better. We could prepare some ideas for our show that starts in a month.

- That’s a fabulous idea. Where do you think we could go this time of the year?

- It might seems crazy but have you ever been to Croatia, Joan?

- Croatia? Where is that? Never heard of it.

- It’s in Europe, Mediterranean Sea. If you never been there, you must see it for yourself. You will love this place.

- Sure! Let’s go to Croatia.

I was a bit skeptical about this vacation thing, but agreed to Mandy’s proposal. She said she will arrange everything.

The evening was approaching its end. We chatted for an hour or so, and decided to call the night. We took the limo to get back to our homes. I dropped Mandy at her mansion near the beach and took a further ride to Mary’s home.

CHAPTER SIX

The Insider

Next day I woke up after midday. I do not know why, but I felt tired and overwhelmed by all these meetings yesterday. I turned to another side of the bed and noticed Max sleeping with me. I could always count on my furry buddy to warm my heart. I gently started to pet his head and ears. He opened his right eye and yawned at my face. Can you imagine something more beautiful than this? We spent next 10 minutes cuddling and having fun. I love this new body thing. I always hated all my aches and pains. I always wanted to be young, beautiful and healthy. Well who wouldn’t? Never thought I could get it back.

I went downstairs in search of Mary. This time I found her in the kitchen. She was making fresh coffee. Mhmmm what a smell! Love it.

- Joan so good to see you. How was yesterday. Did you have fun? Met anyone special?

- Mary, I had a blast. I met my co-host you didn’t tell me about, Mandy Williamson. She’s one crazy broad, just like me. I think we will get along just fine.

- Good to hear that. Have you made any plans? Sorry dear, I forgot to tell you more about the show before you met her. I hope you did not make fool of yourself. Joan is ON ….

-Mary, Mary how funny you are. Hahaha ….

Do not make fun of me girl. Next time I will show you my claws.

It was a nice afternoon. Sun was shining and leaves on the surrounding trees were humming beautifully. Such a nice feeling. I prepared myself coffee too and went with Mary to the outside terrace.

- Mary, I have decided to go with Mandy on a vacation. She thought it would be good idea to get to know one another and plan the show.

- That’s a marvelous idea! But we should also discuss tactics for us staying here. Do you have any thoughts on that?

- I have a plan but it needs a little research before I let you know. It should clear up very soon. You will be the first to get the news.

Having said that I thought it would be a good idea to put Monique to use. During yesterday’s conversation with Mandy, it came to my attention that Monique is a flirty perfectionist, not only glamorous but brainy too. She could be perfect for the job I am about to reveal. She has been working with PTS for quite awhile and always delivered fantastic results. Whenever she was asked to do something she came with first class ideas. That’s what I heard. I do not know the broad but that’s what Mandy told me. All I know is she has a twisted taste of humor.

I got myself ready and went to work. On the way to the office, I have browsed some websites and researched on Farthashians. They will be my primary target, and Monique will help me get them off the air for good. You probably think that it is too good to be true. Watch few episodes and you will know that they are nobody without smart people that surround them. Having someone trusted and way smarter than them will give me access to inside world of Farthashians’s emptiness.

I reached office at the lunch time. Many people left the place to get short break from watching flickering TVs and computer screens. I went straight to my office to read some more.

After awhile Mandy knocked on my door.

- How you doin’ girl?

- Right now, very well, thank you very much. Slept till noon. It was a night to remember, for sure.

- Yes it was fun, we must do it more often and with the upcoming 2 weeks of work freedom we will.

- Sounds about right!

It was a good time to share my plans for Monique with Mandy. As she told me so many good things about her, she should be interested in a plan I have prepared for her.

- Mandy, with us having fun at the sea side, we should use Monique’s skills to infiltrate Farthashians. She’s a smart girl and should be able to do it without any special problems, I think.

- It may be a good idea. I have heard Sin, the famous Farthashian, is big spender and is shopping constantly on Rodeo Road. I’ll let Monique know our plans and prepare her departure.

- Maybe we should meet first, I mean three of us. I have few ideas of my own.