The Adventures of Roy Damus

Chapter 1: A Big Guy Steals Their Stolen Cheese

“Run, Bundar!” Regner yelled, looking back into the overwhelming crowd of enemy soldiers...Wait a second. You aren’t here yet. Okay let me introduce myself, my name is Narrator, but you can call me ‘N’. Let’s go back to the very beginning.

Roy was walking through the town of Rigaerstead--‘N’ again. I just wanted to tell you a little bit about Rigaerstead. It was constructed during the savage years, as many call them now, but it had been outfitted with many technological advances unheard of at the time such as aquifers. Rigaerstead was inherent proof that the people of the savage years were anything, but savage. Now where were we--Roy was with his friend, Bundar, walking through the streets of Rigaerstead. Now, these two are superlame and don’t deserve to be described. So I will just move on.

So they were walking through the town when they heard, “How could you say cheese is useless, that statement is more holed than a slice of my fine cheeses.” They turned to see a merchant trying to get a townsperson to buy some, you guessed it, cheese. “I will not buy your cheese, it is for peasants, and I am Sir Von Parsley, the richest man alive.” Bundar looked at the cheese and said, “But the cheese looks good. Why won’t he get it?” Roy looked over Sir Von Parsley, and replied, “I don’t know, but I’m feeling a bit peckish. Wanna get something to eat?” Bundar replied with a simple nod.

They crept silently towards the cheese salesmen, using the bushes that lie in their path to their advantage. They were almost there when they heard a huge roar. “What in the gods was that?” The Merchant inquired to Sir Von Parsley. “I have no idea...I’ve never heard such a savage roar.” Sir Von Parsley replied. Roy reached over and snatched the wheel of cheese that was closest. “Merchant, those boys stole your produce!” The Merchant turned to them and yelled, “GET BACK HERE BOYS!” And he started chasing them.

They ran for about twelve minutes, until they arrived at a wooden door with a small window, “Where are ye boys goin’? Ye not allowed to be back ‘ere. Off with ya.” Said a big scary dude with a scar on his left cheek from inside the window.

Bundar walked up to him and said, “Yes Cap’n, but we thought we’d get you some dinner.” Signaling Roy to raise the cheese wheel.

“O’ how nice of ye boys. C’mon in.” He said as he opened the door. He gestured for them to follow. They walked down the dark corridor with the big scary dude with the scar on his left cheek in front of them.

Roy tried to make small talk, “So do you like the Snaggered Taverns’ Ale?” The big scary dude nodded. Roy gave Bundar a look which said, ‘Do you know this guy?’ Bundar nodded, somehow knowing what Roy said. “So Cap’n. You got any rum to spare?” Asked Roy desperately trying to make conversation, with an otherwise impossible person to converse with.

The Captain grabbed Roy by the collar of his tunic and said, “There will be none for ye. Touch me rum, and I’ll bust your face!” Stop! N Here. Now I know what you’re thinking, but wouldn’t he make them walk the plank. No, that was not the case in this situation, back to the story.

“Okay, Cap’n. I won’t touch your rum. But we are fairly hungry, so can we get something to eat?” Roy said needily.

The Captain turned, clearly sick of talking and yelled, “GET OFF ME SHIP. Bundar ye be fired, get ye recruit out of ‘ere.”

Bundar attempted to reason with the Captain, “Cap’n, can you just fire Roy?” The Captain pushed them away and stomped off...with the cheese. “O’ Gods, Roy what the heck? Now, where are we going to get money?”

Roy answered, with a smirk on his face, “We could always work for the cheese merchant?”

Bundar then said, clearly thinking aloud, “Not only do we not have food, we now don’t have a source of money! I need a drink. Let’s go to the Snaggered Tavern.”

Chapter 2: They Burn Down The Snaggered Tavern

As they walked into the Snaggered Tavern they noticed a group of orcs gambling. “Hey Bundar, give me ten copper. I could turn it into a gold.” Bundar complied with Roy’s request because he was not in the mood to fight with Roy. Roy shuffled awkwardly to the table of orcs and sat down.

Bundar went up to the bar. “What can I get ya?”  Asked the Flashy Bartender. Bundar replied with, “The House Special.” The Bartender started mixing a bunch of ingredients, After a good five minutes, and twelve packages of sugar later, he was done. Bundar chugged the drink, which, looking back, should’ve killed him.

“We’re not paying you!” Said a gruff voice. Bundar turned to find an orc holding a sword to Roy’s throat. “Bu..bu..but I won.”

The orc signaled his friends to leave and replied with, “You cheated I know you did, I just can’t put my finger on it.” He was right, Roy cheated at almost every single game, especially when it involved money.

“I would never cheat,” Roy lied.

“Hey.” Said a guy from across the bar. “Pick on a guy who's not a scrawny wimp who couldn’t even pick up a bastard sword.” Roy then said with his voice cracking, “I’m right here dude.”

The man walked over to the orc and said, “So, you gonna pay the boy?” The orc turned around and attempted an assault on the man. The man grabbed the orc’s hand, slammed it to the table, and chopped it off.

“Gods!” The orc screamed.

The man then said, “Now, you gonna pay the boy?” The orc forked over the single gold piece, Roy had won, to the man, and stumbled out.

“So, who are you?” Roy asked thankfully.

“My name is Regner From The Path.” Roy nodded not knowing what any of those words meant, and which of those words was the name.

“So dude, thanks,” Roy said awkwardly. “So Regner From The Past, what brings you here?”

“Path! Regner From The Path.” Regner interjected quickly, soon calming down and answering Roy. “I was just in town, I am on a big adventure. Oh and just call me Regner, most do.”

Roy looked at Bundar eagerly. “Can we come?” Roy asked enthusiastically.

Regner looked down and replied, “It will be dangerous, and you are two young adults, who’ve never fought before. But if you want to accompany me, I cannot, and will not, stop you.” Roy jumped up and down out of pure glee. He attempted to run for the bar, to get a drink, but halfway through Roy tripped and fell, tipping a table with a candle into an open keg full of “The One Swig Drink”-- ‘N’ once again, “The One Swig Drink” was a very popular drink because it was about ninety-eight percent alcohol. The name, “The One Swig Drink”, is derived from the fact that most men who drink the beverage are inebriated in one swig. Now back to the story.

The keg quickly set ablaze. The fire engulfed the wooden room full of alcohol in twenty seconds, just enough time for most people to get out which included Bundar, Roy, Regner, and a few other gentlemen. As they watched the building engulf in flames, they knew they needed to leave town now.

Chapter 3: The Picnic Was Great, Aside From The Ants And Bears That Is

The trio raced out of town, knowing if caught their adventure, which two-thirds of them had just started, was over. As soon as they exited the town they saw a beast of many forms. A Chimera galloped around the fields stomping people as it moved. Regner unsheathed his sword. “Guys take this!” Regner yelled handing Roy a sword half the size of his six-foot sword, and handing Bundar an oak bow, with twelve arrows.

Regner ran to the guards’ sides and fought with them. One by one Bundar and Roy watched them fall, it came down to a few guards, out of the fifty that were originally there, and the trio. Regner was thrown to the mossy stone pathway, which led to the town. Bundar notched an arrow in his bow and aimed it at the Chimera. The arrow flew towards the Chimera, just as a guard got up. The arrow pierced the guard's chainmail, and punctured his body, forcing him to the floor.

“O’ gods,” Bundar muttered underneath his breath. Roy ran behind the Chimera and jumped on, stabbing the skin of the snake to keep a hold.

“Why did I do this? This was so idiotic.” Roy yelled as the Chimera galloped dragging Roy along with him.