What is forgiveness really? What is the ego? What is the true purpose of all human relationships? This book provides answers to these and many other questions in accordance with the teaching of A Course in Miracles. The book contains conversations where the author asks questions pertaining to her own life from childhood to the present. The answers are provided in the form of channeling through a person who is in deep trance. The voice that provides the answers is within all of us. Everyone can hear that voice by listening to their inner selves. "How could I not hear you? After all, you are me and I am you. "
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FEBRUARY 2011, PRIVATE CHANNELLING
DIVERSITY GIVES OPPORTUNITIES FOR FORGIVENESS
MARCH 2012, PRIVATE CHANNELLING
FREEING MYSELF FROM WORRYING TOO MUCH
AUTUMN EVENT 2012, GROUP CHANNELLING
PRACTICAL GUIDELINES TO BE FREE FROM FEAR
MARCH 2013, PRIVATE CHANNELLING
UNDERSTANDING MORE ABOUT TEENAGE YEARS
AUTUMN EVENT 2013, GROUP CHANNELLING
FEAR OF LOSING A CHILD
SUMMER EVENT 2014, GROUP CHANNELLING
FREEING MYSELF FROM FEARS IN THE PROCESS OF WRITING
SUMMER EVENT 2014, GROUP CHANNELLING
My beloved grandmother used to tell me stories when I was a child. One of the stories was about a small caterpillar. I'll tell you that fairy tale here now as well, as I remember it.
Once upon a time there was a small caterpillar, crawling around on the ground. It was moving slowly and clumsily, and bemoaned himself: “Oh, I'm such a small worm and I can just look at the birds in the sky, how freely they fly. I’m so slow and can never move that freely.”
The worm slowly crawled up onto a stump in order to see a little further.
A bird flew over him in the sky, and chirped: “You shall get wings, you shall get wings!”
The worm just bemoaned himself and burst into tears. “Such a small worm I am that even the birds make fun of me.”
Then there came a strong gust of wind, which threw the worm on the ground. He cried and moaned and snuggled himself into a shelter that he grew around himself and fell into a deep sleep.
In the spring the sun began to shine and its light hit the worm’s enclosure. It started to warm up, and the caterpillar began to wake up in his shell. He stretched himself and the enclosure felt too small.
“How is this so narrow now? In the autumn I could still fit inside this very well”, he wondered, and popped out of his enclosure.
Suddenly he noticed that he had grown wings. They were huge and beautiful wings and he exclaimed in amazement: “I can fly!” He tried his wings and flew around in amazement here and there and enjoyed his freedom.
The worm had been a larva of a butterfly, and now it was free to fly.
Respecting the memory of Katri Helena Penttinen,
Larva’s enclosion and turning into a butterfly has always been a symbol of freedom to me. We all have butterfly’s wings inside ourselves. Each of us is like a small caterpillar inside an enclosure, waiting for the release of our minds and the remembrance of the truth. Through the Course in Miracles I have received a small hint of that freedom. That experience is expanding.
This book consists of conversations that I have written down directly from recordings. These recordings were taken in channelings that I have had at Lea Tikkala’s and Harry Tuominen’s place in the center for the Course in Miracles in Finland. It is a place where students of the Course in Miracles can meet every year during the spring event and autumn event. I have also been at their place in private channelings.
The text of the book is directly written down from the recording, but I have changed my lines mostly to literary language, so that it would be a little more pleasant to read. The channeler’s voice will appear in bold. There are some parts of the text where the recording has been unclear. On those parts I have written down without bolding my assessment of what is said or intended in that part of the text. However, we should pay close attention to the core message and the content of the text.
The questions in the channeling are mainly about my own life and my own thoughts that I have never had the need to cover up. My openness and honesty may seem odd to some people, however, I believe that there is no reason for anyone to hide what has happened. I think that because life, in the physical world, is like a theater in itself and words on that level are only symbols of symbols, so there is no need to feed the theater with obscurity or dishonesty. What has happened has happened. After all society needs help not shame and cover-up.
In my work as a camera operator (and occasional journalist) I bring up things to be “unveiled”, so to speak. I can very well unveil my own story as well in my books as openly; honestly as it is.
I have told my life’s story in my two previous books: The Seed of New Life (Publisher Mediapinta 2011, English version Books on Demand 2014) and Return to the Desert (Publisher Mediapinta 2012, English version Books on Demand 2015). Between the channelings I am clarifying my situation a little, but if you want to explore my life more deeply, you can read the books mentioned above. They show background about my life more deeply and bring up the reasons why I have asked about these things on the channelings.
During channeling Lea is in deep trance and one can have a normal conversation with her and ask about anything.
The One who speaks through this channeling has often itself stated that “you are me and I am you,” which means that we all can hear that voice in our minds. It is the “higher” part of the collective mind that can be described on several different terms, depending on person’s beliefs in life.
Regardless of what our bodies seem to have done on these physical (sensory detectable) levels, the truth is inside every one of us: the higher part of the mind – the power and wisdom. It is that part of the mind that talks in the channeling. So, channeling is a bit like talking with oneself; with one’s own mind.
To Josh Carlson from the memories of summer 2002:
E: What do you see when you look at me?
J: I see a caterpillar. Do you know what a caterpillar is? They are the little worms that will become butterflies after going to sleep and growing in a shelter through the winter.
We had this conversation, when we were playing sort of a mind game, in which a person has his eyes closed, and he thinks about the person next to him. Then he looks at the mental images that arise and describes freely his stream of consciousness and tells the first thing that comes to mind. Josh did not know yet at that time that my grandmother had told me a story about a larva.
(In this kind of game I have also been told that I bring up an image of a running tiger as well.)
To Sami: (3rd February 2014)
Thank you for encouraging me while I was writing my first books. Thank you for reading their first versions and pushing me forward on the way, where I couldn’t see light at the end of it.
Thank you for the fruitful discussions with you, let there be more of them.
Thank you for saving me out of trouble when I realized to ask for help.
Thanks to Lea Tikkala and Harry Tuominen for their work in the center of the Course in Miracles in Finland and their desire to help people.
Thanks to Mona for the beautiful butterflies and for other wonderful pictures that you have drawn for me over the years. Thank you for helping me on making this book and the videos of Finland’s Course in Miracles –center.
Hello hello again.
After all, we have greeted each other so many times in the past.
Oh, I guess we have a few times then.
I'm trying to say to you gently in the morning: “Good morning.”
(Laughing) Oh really? I haven’t always notice that.
Now that you have not noticed it, instead of that you could say every morning when you wake up: “Welcome, and good morning, for you are with me and I know it.”
Yeah, that could be good.
This way, you will start your day with confidence.
Yeah. So, things have changed pretty much in my life. I have just been wondering here that maybe I have made again some solutions based on fear, when I changed my job. But then on the other hand, it has felt like a pretty good place in a way, as there are quite many good things about it as well. And then I was also thinking, that if my mother had started to support me financially when I was still a freelancer, would I have stayed in sort of a quagmire, from which there did not seem to be a way out? So was it kind of meant to happen that I changed my job? What do you say about that?
(At this point in my life I had got myself a basic training of a civil aviation safety inspector and I had changed my freelancer job as a camera operator into a job at the airport. I had been totally tired of the perpetual uncertainty of freelance work and decided to get something more permanent in my life. A steady job seemed to give me more stability and safer feeling.
By using the words “fear-based” solutions I referred to my very first channelings (2009), in which the first thing I had done was bursting into tears and saying that I felt like no matter what I did in my life I always got lost. At the time, the voice had responded something like this: “When you no longer make solutions based on fear, you will not get lost anymore.”)
Look, once again, do not look at the present moment in the eyes of the past.
For every moment is a new opportunity. To do what is best for one. And what could be best for yourself? Being happy and confident every moment. Every moment is a new opportunity. That way the fear of the past will not be able to come there to analyze.
So, in fact, the more you look at things with the past experience in your mind, the more you want to suffer and be fearful.
Yeah. I haven’t thought about it like that.
You see prejudices, preliminary expectations, preliminary fears. Nothing in the future has come yet with all its wonderful possibilities.
I have also thought, is it actually in itself relevant where I work?
(I had begun to give up the idea that I would have any particular mission in my life or that I would have to do something special for the society.)
It does not matter where you work, but what matters is the fact that you are free to decide every moment. Everything that you do, you do with me. Isn’t that freedom to choose?
It is, yeah.
Best friend who always walks beside you. In the morning to wish you good morning, so we continue our journey together.
Yes, it is a good idea. I've also been thinking about doing the exercises as well but I just feel like there is such a rush and fuss in my life that I wouldn’t have time for them. And then once in a while they come to my mind and I think: “Could it be a good time to start doing them now?”
(There are 365 exercises in the Course in Miracles in the workbook for “training” one’s mind. I had once started doing them, when I started studying the Course but after doing the first 50 exercises I felt like I couldn’t do them as I hadn’t exactly followed the instructions about time (minutes) used on them. For there are some guidelines about how long and how many times a day one should think about the thought (exercise) for each day, and I felt as if I had failed every time when I hadn’t done the day’s exercise according to the instructions. At that time, I started always the same exercise again and eventually got so frustrated that I thought I wasn’t able to do them.)
See, whenever you ask: “Could now be the time to start?” in your mind the barriers of fear will come: “No, you don’t have the time now.”
Yeah, that’s how it seems to be.
But when you make the decision for your own good; to maintain peace of mind and to make it stronger, is five minutes too much for that?
Oh yeah, that’s true. It’s not much.
And so when you do the first exercises, so exactly in them, even if they seem absolutely crazy there in physical world, but as everything is vice versa there; it is not worth holding on tooth and nail to things that change.
Yeah, that’s how it is, yeah.
All that is permanent is inside you. Isn’t it?
Yeah, it is.
Here’s how it will help you to be released.
Then I have in my mind another thing as well. My daughter is crying after my previous partner (character “Pekka” in the book “Return to the Desert”, name has been changed), this “Finnish daddy”. Somehow there has been an experience of abandonment, as he hasn’t been in any contact with my daughter after we broke up. I have wondered so much what is it all about. Has he somehow repressed his emotions or is he depressed? What could I do to make him keep in touch with my daughter?
Why don’t you take the bull by the horns and call him and say: “My daughter misses you.” Instead of just suffering and wondering and pondering about it. And so, your daughter’s condition in pain just gets worse.
Yeah. Well somehow I just have felt… as he has said as well that he wouldn’t want to be in contact. For example if I call about some car issues, he always says that the less we are in contact, the better it is. So I wonder how it would work then.
Can a request for help never ever cause anything more than willingness for one to help? So, can anyone reject a sincere call for help? In which there is his daughter calling for love.
I do not know. Maybe I should just call then and say it directly.
Yeah, right, yeah.
But do you allow looking a little more deeply?
I know everything, what you think, I know every thought. But no one’s thoughts can be taken away by force. Then the mind would get distressed: it would be forced to abandon its idea. Isn’t it so? And then no one there, in physical world, in uncertainty, would do anything but counter-attack: defend himself.
What happened? Let’s go through that so that you can release it from your mind. What happened at the time of breaking up with him?
Somehow, I thought, I cannot stay in a relationship where there was no interaction. Where I could not see the other one’s so-called real feelings. I felt like he was so closed person that I could not stay in the relationship, even though otherwise we had so comfortably all the superficial things such as house and other things. Somehow I just thought I can’t go on with it. And then I hastened.
Yes. Please continue.
I hastened and then I started to change things in hurry and made quick decisions… and that was probably partly my own fear.
What happened when you saw him for the first time?
I understood already on the first date that we were different types of people and I was about to walk away, but for some reason I did not walk away.
Somehow it was so easy for me to be lulled into the feeling I had about all the superficial things. Life was just so easy, when we had a house and cars and money and food. Kind of like…because I just hadn’t accustomed to such life before. So after everything that had happened in Egypt it felt like so easy life.
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