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Lack of Self-Esteem quite often developed during your personal development of the first one or two decades. Since it developed, you have the chance to change it.
It is up to You! It is Your Decision!
Whether you have or develop Self-Esteem does not matter. Personally, I think developing a healthy Self-Esteem is even more helpful because you are going through a process with more mindfulness and awareness.
In fact, when you look at most of the successful people, whether they are successful in business, in relationship, in dating, in invention or reinvention or in life in general, all of them developed Self-Esteem one or the other way. After failure they were potentially getting back on their feet one more time than most of the others. They became Masters of their lives.
Richard Branson, whom I see as one of my mentors, developed a "Yes"-Mindset, despite his writing issue. He is truly a person that is always looking for a way no one else dared to go. He is fueling his progress with the idea of having fun in whatever you do.
Joel Bauer, my other mentor, needed to develop his own way through life despite some kind of developmental issues. But he not only overcame these issues, he mastered them and developed highly effective skills, which made him "The Mentors Mentor."
"Everything is out there. Grab it. Use it. Adapt what is helpful. Abort what you don't need. Make it your own." (Bruce Lee)
I never could have written this book without the support of my
beloved wife, Nadine. Thank you for believing in me and
supporting me and all of my crazy ideas, the good and the bad
days, for being at my side whenever I needed you and for
bringing out the best in me whenever I was on the way to lose
To my parents who always believed in me and supported me the
best way they could.
Also to my Uncle Fritz who gave me a kick in the ass at a time
when I needed it most.
To my Mentor Joel Bauer who always inspired
and empowered me.
To my friend and trainer David Cavanagh who never allowed
me to quit on my dreams.
To my teachers Georges Urffer, Peter Luescher and James
Ramey(†) who never lost patience in teaching me.
To Sir Richard Branson who was giving me
a private lesson for life when playing chess with me.
To all of my friends, teachers and trainers,
who helped me move forward in life.
I thank you from the heart!
Why I am the right person to train you:
STEP I: MIND
FAMOUS PEOPLE AND LOW SELF-ESTEEM
UNDERSTANDING LOW SELF-ESTEEM
How Low Self-Esteem Develops
Lack Of Praise
What it means
THE THREE FEARS
The Fear Of Public Recognition
Loss Or Abandonment
How Others Perceive You
Addressing These Fears
TEN REASONS THAT CAUSE LOW SELF-ESTEEM
Hating Your Body Image
Useless, But Are You?
Made Of Glass
Putting Others Before Yourself
Trauma And Abuse
THE TOXIC CYCLE
A Healthy Perspective
The "What If..."?
HEALTHY BODY HEALTHY IMAGE
The Body Image
Your Body Perception
Affirmations of your body
Low Self-Esteem And Presentation
Stop Comparing Yourself!
NUTRITION: FOODS AND LOW SELF-ESTEEM
Food And Its Effects
Types Of Mood Boosting Food
Omega-3 Fatty Acids
Foods To Cut Down On
THE THREE KEYS
The Three Keys: Self-Acceptance
List Your Positive Qualities
Part Two: Training The Brain
The Positive Life
The Three Keys: Our Inner Conversation
Delusions Within The "It"
How To Change Your Inner Conversation
THE THREE KEYS: SELF-RESPECT
Honesty Is Key
Respect Your Body
Exercise Body And Mind
Dress To Feel Good
Respect Yourself Positively
You are unique!
PROJECTING A POSITIVE LIGHT ON YOURSELF
Combining Affirmation and Visualization
Your Inner Goal
One small step
Defeating Negative Thoughts
Forget Negative Feedback
Beat The Negative Monster
Assuming What Others Think Of You
The Be All End All
Remove Your Negative Perception
Taking Blame Wrongly
Focus on the bad: The toxic cycle
DEFEATING SELF CRITICISM
The Unfairness Of Self-Criticism
Catching Self-Criticism Out
How To Tackle Self-Criticism
Looking at our inner Selves
Learning to love the individual
A Reflective Period
Relationships, Friends, and Family
Edit Your Positive List
Cleaning Your Environment
Comparisons And Self-Love
The Importance Of Spirituality
Improve Your Skills
Where Are You Happy?
Letting Things Go
STEP II: MISSION
Why It’s Important To Have
Understand What Is Important
Chase Your Passion
What Is Your Purpose?
Focusing Your Determination
LIVE WITH PURPOSE
Why It’s Important To Find Your Purpose
Mental And Physical Health
What Is Your Purpose?
What Are You Passionate About?
What Do You Value?
Get A Strong Emotional Reaction
Purpose and Happiness
What You Do For A Living Matters
How To Find Your Calling
Start With What’s Important To You
Listen To The Soft Voice In Your Head
Step By Step
It Doesn’t Have To Be Huge
Spending Quality Time
Nurture A Child
At Home and At Work
In Your Local Community
In The World
Be aware of your time
Truly Living Your Life
No more Excuses
Embrace Your Dreams
Never Stop Learning
Travel The World
Open Your Mind
Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone
Create Meaningful Relationships
Don’t Like It? Change It!
Good Relationships Take Work
No More Fear Of Failure
4 Needs we need
The Need To Find Meaning In Life
The Need To Have Hope
The Need For Values
Become A Kinder Person
Focus On Others
Values and Clarity
The Center Of The World
Mediation And Prayer
A Simple Breathing Mediation
Life Is About Serving
Your Inner Circle
Finding Your Niche
You will Change - And That’s Ok
What Do You Want To Be Remembered For?
Plan, Plan, Plan
Create New Routines
Eat Often And Healthy
Contingency Plans And Self-Discipline
STEP III: MOVES
PAY ATTENTION TO THE LESSONS LIFE TEACHES YOU
WAYS TO MASTER SELF-ESTEEM
Push Out Negative Thoughts
Know Your Strengths
Care For Your Body and Mind
Failure Does Happen
YOUR MINDSET IS KEY
Never Stop Learning and Never Stop Growing
Expand Your Life
READING HABITS PROMOTE GROWTH AND CONFIDENCE
Be Open and Empathic
Improve Your Mood
BE AWARE OF YOUR ATTITUDE
Mind Your Emotional State
Understand Your Power
Turn Thoughts into Actions
3 SIMPLE STEPS TO CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE
Picture a Better Life
Avoid Becoming a Victim
Use Positive Language
OVERCOME LIMITING SELF-BELIEF
Your Inner Muppet-Show
Step One: Identify
Step Two: The Cold Hard Truth
Step Three: Trying On Other Beliefs For Size
Step Four: Emulate Action
OVERCOME NEGATIVE CONDITIONING
POWER POSE - REVERSE BODY LANGUAGE
What Is A Power Pose?
How To Strike A Power Pose
When To Strike A Power Pose
Am I Productive With My Time?
Is My Outlook Healthy?
Am I Prepared Every Day?
Am I Negative Before I Sleep?
Am I Trying Hard Enough With Others?
Am I Looking After Myself?
Are You On Track??
Why Are You Self-Conscious?
Push Back On Negativity
Confidence And Improvement
Stones And Glass Houses
Try and Do
The Triple-A Rule
TAKING RESPONSIBILITY OF YOURSELF
Independence From Reaction
Fear Of Change
The Igniting Thought
The Real Freedom
What is in it for you?
Sleep Is Important
Build Your Muscle
LOVE AND SELF-ESTEEM
When We Lose Trust
Giving Up On Love
The Real Truth
A Healthy Perspective
IMPROVING COMMUNICATIONS SKILLS
The Art Of Listening
The Occasion Of Talk
Double Think Your Words
Richard Branson: Even Billionaires Take Notes
The Best Medium
Improve Your Communication Muscle
FIGHT ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION
Expression Through Writing
Talk To Others
BOOST YOUR SELF-ESTEEM NOW!
Update Your Look
Modify Your Social Media
Recognize Small Accomplishments
COACHING: A POSSIBLE SOLUTION
Breaking Our Barriers
Create A Plan
Choosing A Coach
Coaches have Coaches
MENTORS CAN SKYROCKET YOUR DEVELOPMENT
Get There Faster
See Your Blind Spots
Have a Cheerleader
LEAVING A LEGACY
A PRIVATE LESSON BY RICHARD BRANSON
What is the reason to write a book about Self-Esteem? Without Self-Esteem, it will be difficult for you in life to move forward or to achieve any of your dreams. Not having enough Self-Esteem will result in other people defining your life and telling you what you are going to do. Without Self-Esteem, there is no chance for you to get what you want. I am sure this not what you want.
Self-Esteem is the key to your life. Is it everything?
The answer is: No. But definitely you need to achieve a certain amount of Self-Esteem, leading to self-confidence in order to start living a life by design instead of living the life of others, fulfilling the dreams of other people.
But even if you feel comfortable inside of companies and corporates, you need to have Self-Esteem. Why? Because there are always other people, trying to get you to do what they want.
We could say that Self-Esteem is like the fuel inside the jet of your life. With a full tank you are able to reach any destination while without or just a little bit, you event won't take off of fly for a long time.
This book is for you!
It is my gift to you since I had to start from scratch reinventing myself several time in my life and (re)building my Self-Esteem. I have helped hundreds of clients to build it, why not being at your side, supporting and guiding you to build your Self-Esteem, your self-confidence and self-worth?
Believe me. Maybe at the time it seems to be a true challenge. Well it is but: I am not special. I have no classic professional education. But I have specialized education and training. During my journey I developed a skill of watching, to role model, analyzing behavior and language. You don't have to do the same. My book and my trainings will save you 30 years of a learning curve. They will provide you the foundation and bridge the gap that education produced and left you with no skills to do it on your own.
Is Self-Esteem everything? No. But without a clear feeling of being OK the way you are, without Self-Esteem, you have no real chances today, even not in the internet-age where you think you can hide behind your screen.
As a result of our training, you will be able to develop all the skills you need, feeling confident and filled with Self-Esteem. This book is offering insights, ideas and actions you can take.
And when you are ready, you might even be interested in being trained to speak in front of audiences about your mission.
Although I had parents who wanted me to succeed, the way they were raising me - concerning my Self-Esteem - was not what I needed.
My parents were immigrants. As children they went through WWII. What they saw and experienced is out of any range what a non-war child can ever tell. Out of these experiences they thought that getting the best school and education would secure my future.
Well, for most people it does. And certainly I would not be able as a German speaking person to write a book in English without having a proper training.
But what I experienced in my childhood and youth was hard pressure to achieve good grades. There was not much space for me as a person to develop. My father was extremely strict and focused only on my grades and results at school. A culture of communication and discussion was never part of my education. Whatever grades I delivered were just not enough. Enjoying what we learned or what we experienced at school was not important. What I wanted or loved to do was not taken care of.
I remember my first school-teacher Georges Urffer. He was a revolutionary teacher at that time, including different types of learning, helping us to literally grab the results by constructing simple calculation machines or helping us to experience fields of mathematics that today usually only programmers learn but at that time was part of our scholar education. When my parents were asking me, what we did during school time, I often answered: "We were playing", because that was how I experienced the learning process. I could tell from their reactions that they were not happy. Yet I could not argue or discuss about what and how it helped me at that time.
I was an introvert during the whole time of my childhood until my early twenties. Introverts usually don't have a good Self-Esteem. At least I did not. I needed to develop it step by step.
In my childhood I was bullied a lot of times. Usually I ran away just because I did not know how to fight. So the other children in my area found out rather fast and always provoked me, took away my toys, excluded me from playing with them.
In my youth, I always was fascinated through the Samurai-Stories of Akiro Kurosawa. I watched every movie and I felt like, this would be awesome to know. At the time they also showed in TV the "Kung Fu" with David Carradine. I was fascinated and watched as often as I could. Since there was no martial arts school in town, and even if, my parents could not afford it, I just watched the movements of "Kwai Chang Caine" and listened to the wisdom of his blind master.
One day, when I was playing soccer outside, some elder guys wanted to take away our soccer ball. Without even thinking of what could happen, I took Caine's standard defense pose and was ready to fight. I simple emulated what I have seen - in fact without even knowing more that that pose. But it worked. I didn't have to fight. Since these movies were famous at that time, they though I would be able to do some Kung Fu. Sometimes "Fake it" can work. Be careful with this kind of tactic. When you face an opponent, who is trained, you will potentially fail. Although - I know a Samurai story of a tailor:
A tailor accidentally touched a Samurai's sword, a mistake that usually costs the life of the unfortunate. The Samurai ordered the tailor to a duel the next morning. Of course, the tailor was scared and visited a true master and asked for help. The master watched the tailor removing his clothing when he entered. His answer to the tailor was the following: "I cannot make you a sword master over night. But there is a little chance to survive the duel. Before you start dueling yourself, fold your clothes the way you did when you entered, the same way, careful, with most respect". The tailor was still scared, but followed the instructions of the master, although he did not really know, why he should do it. As he did as advised, the Samurai watched him carefully. He started to doubt his decision to duel the man opposite of him because he was so perfectly and carefully folding his clothes that he thought the tailor must be a powerful Samurai. Only masters were so mindful in their actions. The Samurai decided to end the duel, excused himself of not having been aware that the tailor was such a great master. Then he left.
The tailor was safe. Nothing happened to him because he stayed true and focused and followed the masters advice.
I hope you find some wisdom in that story that you can apply in your life. Here is another one:
Well, this was the time I could manage the situation by faking to have a certain skill. Later on in High-School, there was a group of students, bullying other students, even threatening teachers. They got me on their radar too and to be honest, I was really scared - until one day, one of those guys was provoking me during a lesson and the teacher threw the both of us out. This made me angry. So went into a fight with him sent him back crying. Some days later, another one tried and I got him too, using a trick and only one punch. They never tried again.
So, what is the lesson? Sometimes you really, really have to overcome your fear and stand your ground.
I always wanted to become a Martial Artist - a dream that had no space during my time in school. I started with Karate during my times in university. But to become a "Samurai" still was out of reach. A dream that I had to postpone for almost 25 years until I found time and the right training to get into it.
My main problem was different and much more difficult. When I came out of school, I was not able to discuss, speak in front of people nor could I stand my ground. I was not trained, I was simply too scared to stand for my ideas. Yet when I entered University, which I dropped out after 2 years, I had to catch up with my personal development drastically.
I needed to find out how to survive because I left home with nothing. No funds, No reserves, No education or profession. I just had earned a few hundred bucks that paid my first rent.
The first months and years were, as you say in the U.S., "The School of Hard Knocks". The only mental mindset that helped me was pride. I did not want to ask for help. So I wanted to succeed somehow. I chose people I liked as role models, real people as well as movie characters. I was looking for better jobs and found one in the upcoming computer industry - in sales. Yet, I had no clue about sales and to be true, I was terrible at that time. I just could not speak or present in front of people. But as an introvert I was good in organizing events. So I got in that field - where I had to negotiate, speak and sell too, a nightmare..
Step by step I identified some fields which I liked and developed a bunch of skills. However, it was a long journey in the times where Internet had not been invented. Looking back to three decades, I can identify patterns in my experiences that helped me moving forward from zero to a Coach, International Speaker. Looking back now, I learned around 12 professions during all of those years and I became very successful in them.
You maybe think that this is crazy. Indeed, it is. But when I started doing things I loved, I was diving deep into it until it was not interesting anymore or until I got out of it, what I wanted. I was a dancer and won some competitions. I became a successful tap-dancer and was on stage as well as on TV several times.
After I lost my family and almost everything I possessed, my sense of Self-Esteem and self-value reached rock bottom. I felt useless, unloved, unappreciated. When I was at the point of giving up, my uncle Fritz, who went through the same mess some years ago told me: "No one in our family ever gave up. Don't you dare to do so"! - That was a kick in the ass I needed.
So I picked myself up and started to reinvent myself, became a World Champion in Korean Sword Art and even opened my own Dojo. I quit my job and learned whatever I could get and finance at that time. Was it hard? You bet. But it never seemed to be out of reach or impossible. If I could do it, you can do it too - Especially with the possibilities of today.
During my journey I got to the chances to know many well-known trainers as well as some Celebrities like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Richard Branson. This was motivation enough to work on my English speaking and writing skills. Am I perfect? - No. Do I mind? Yes - but in the sense of always wanting to become better - A mindset, the Japanese Samurai called "Kai Zen" - meaning constant improvement.
The experiences I made are part of this book. I decided to write it in a way you can get the most out if it. I am using a system that will help you to get though it. You maybe won't consciously see it. But it is there.
If you decide to get some coaching or workshop training with me, we will dive in much deeper than it is possible in a book.
There are 3 mission critical steps you need to cover in order to leverage your Self-Esteem and thus your life. This is why my system contains the following 3 steps that are also the core of how I teach and train:
First of all we are going to work on your mind, your mindset, the limiting beliefs and change the way you look at things and foremost at yourself.
We are going to find out more about you and your mission. Of course, other than when I am coaching you 1-1 or 1-many and within the limits of a book, I can only support you on finding your mission. But we will cover that topic and I will give you a range of exercises and ideas to work on.
Finally there are the moves you need to make - in fact, as Master Bruce Lee said:
Knowing is not enough, You must apply!
... "You must apply!" You need to take action. You need to apply your knowledge. Don't procrastinate! It is your life that depends on it.
And let me tell you one important thing: You are truly unique and special. You deserve to become successful. Start today.
As I am a Coach, a Speaker Trainer, Author and Mentor, I found my mission during my journey:
"My mission is to empower people like you
with families like yours to get access to your true potential,
to find your Self-Esteem and self-confidence,
so you are able to find your mission,
to develop a life by design.
Based on my proven 3-step system you will be able to access
your potential and to act and speak with confidence and to set
course for the life you want".
What I am going to teach and train you will save you a 35 years learning curve. Based on my personal and professional experience you potentially will be able to achieve outstanding results, leverage your income and create a life by design if you apply what you learn.
My job is to give you the tools and to train you how to apply them in your daily life or on crafting your future life.
Your job is to follow the path and apply what I teach you, to become successful and later, based on what you learned and what you achieved, to build your own path.
I will not be easy, and sometimes you think I am pissing you off when I kick your ass. But believe me: I want you to succeed, maybe even more desperately than yourself.
I believe in you - more than you do! I know you can do it.
When you are ready to do so, let's start. Prepare to feel uncomfortable and to do some extra work.
"Reading is not enough.
Knowing is not enough.
You must apply"
All the concepts of Self-Esteem, self-confidence, self-value etc. are based in our minds. It is our "Self" that is generating it. So if we want to know the "what, why and how to" we must dive a bit into the mind, how it works and what WE do to ourselves.
In all three parts, Mind, Mission, Moves, are facts that also belong to the other chapters. They cannot be separated. I gave my best to structure it but in fact, all is one and one is in all. But you will understand and get the tools to make the change.
I don't want to quote any Wikipedia or other Source. I always explain it the following way:
It is how you rate or estimate yourself of being able to treat or overcome some issues or challenges.
As it is "Self"-Esteem, it is exclusively oriented to your thinking, to your own personal reality. Not how other people see or rate you, nor what they say or think about you. You may have earned millions by what you do but in depth your Self-Esteem may still be low.
Knowing that you may ask, why then Self-Esteem is so important, my answer is: You can mask low Self-Esteem, or at least try to do it. You can achieve many things even with low Self-Esteem. You may be able to do it because you overcompensate lack of self-confidence and Self-Esteem with other skills. Yet in the end, this will not help you to get a fulfilling life. And when it comes to any kind of long lasting relationships, friendships or business relationships with a partner, the risk that you will spoil these relationships is inadequately high.
People may do business with you because you achieved a certain skill-set or competence in a specific field, but when you never transferred them to you personal development, relationships will fail.
And at a certain moment you will feel alone, and you don't know why. That's the moment when your low Self-Esteem and your ego kicked you right between the eyes.
It’s hard to believe people who spend the majority of their lives successfully in any career suffered low Self-Esteem at one time or another. You’ll be pleasantly surprised to know that some of these people suffered from crippling mental health issues but overcame them, and if these people can, then you can do it too.
Living a turbulent life, moving in and out of cities, as well as multiple foster parents, Marilyn Monroe was brought up with parents who suffered mental health issues. Thanks to this she underwent anxiety, low Self-Esteem and depression. However she was able to turn all of these negative parts of her life into positivity when she dedicated her life to acting, and becoming one of the most iconic actresses of the 20th century. Her courage and confidence was renowned throughout all of her movies and personal life.
Being in one of the largest bands of the world, and being loved as a musician and activist, John Lennon was no stranger to the public eye. However he suffered from crippling Self-Esteem issues. Throughout his educational years he failed most of his exams. Over time he changed his failures into success, which shaped the music industry outright. His own Self-Esteem grew and he dedicated himself to noble causes, regardless of how others viewed him.
One of the most famous talk-show hosts in the world, Oprah Winfrey is the last person you would expect to suffer from low Self-Esteem. She underwent a brutal assault and abuse within her family up until she was 14 and even then went through abuse of her weight, her clothes, and her poverty. However over time her own flaws propelled her to become one of the biggest figures in American entertainment and a successful philanthropist.
While she may have seemed confident in her movies such as Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and Tomb Raider, Angelina Jolie had a rough childhood. Her earlier life consisted of drug-use, suicidal tendencies, and self-harm. Her Self-Esteem was in ruins, but over time she built up from her past and became such a renowned actress, philanthropist, and charity-worker.
While the Harry Potter star may seem like she had it all under control, her low Self-Esteem was rife when people would take pictures of her. She always felt uncomfortable when it came to magazine-shoots, or promotional work for movies. However, over time she managed to take control of her low Self-Esteem by studying and finding another purpose in life; education; a worthy endeavor as an ambassador.
One of the largest actors and musicians of the 21st century, you’d be surprised to find out that Jennifer Lopez grew up in an abusive home. Throughout her life she felt utterly invisible by her family and suffered from crippling Self-Esteem. As she grew up she pushed herself out of these boundaries and became a musician as well as a talented actor in such movies as Maid in Manhattan, Out Of Sight, and Monster-In-Law. She doesn’t feel so invisible anymore.
One of the most famous American presidents, he lost his wife and mother in the same day and retreated away to a ranch in North Dakota. Distraught at these losses and his Self-Esteem at an all time low, he became isolated from people. However over time he overcame his own pain and returned home to his daughter who he raised. Not only did he push past his Self-Esteem and selfishness to run an entire country, he put his daughter before him. If a man like that can find purpose through the negativity of life, then you can do the same!
Albert Einstein may be the proverbial man to look for with genius and confidence, but growing up you’d be surprised to know that one of the smartest known men in existence actually suffered from low Self-Esteem and had average grades in school. It was only through sheer determination and a fresh perspective that Einstein was able to effectively work towards a purpose of educational advancement and scientific theory.
Arguably one of the most influential music artists of all time, Bowie suffered from low Self-Esteem and self-image problems and this was visible in his work. He poured a lot of his insecurity into his work, and created a character called Ziggy Stardust to help him cope with his insecurities. However over time he grew and developed in such a way that he became much more confident. His work, that which was created during his low Self-Esteem is considered some of the greatest work of his career, and that was only possible by him acknowledging his inner-self and expressing it through his art.