Totally humorous - Luise Hakasi - ebook

Totally humorous ebook

Luise Hakasi



Laugh, smile, giggle, and cackle... until you are out of air. Laughter has enormous amounts of health benefits. Here's the e-book for a good mood and laughing with no end, humorous and witty mixed.

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Luise Hakasi

Totally humorous

BookRix GmbH & Co. KG80331 Munich

No joke: Laughter is the best medicine!

Laugh, smile, giggle, cackle, chuckle, snort, and laugh again ... until you are out of air. Laughter has enormous amounts of health benefits: It has a positive effect on diabetes, reduces the risk of heart attacks and contributes to general well-being (or better: BEST being). In our modern, hectic world of medical breakthroughs and cures we finally discovered this secret weapon. We never would have dreamed that something as simple as laughter can trigger such amazing benefits for our health and may even compete with top scientific achievements like drugs...


Laughing was already cause for many scientific research projects that could all unequivocally confirm the benefits of laughter on our bodies. Countless years of experiments concluded with scientific data: Laughter is one of the most amazing benefits for our health.

Proven: Positive effect of laughter


Long since we know that animals in nursing homes and clowns in children's hospitals achieve positive effects on patients. This time, however, the scientists went one step further: Special experiments were carried out on diabetes and heart disease. American and Japanese studies (Int Science Lab) presented startling effects laid on the genes of diabetes-2 control element; a great discovery. Laughter has an effect on our DNA. Our happiness-gen?


As well demonstrated by the studies: the positive effects of laughter on arthritis, rheumatism, stress and stress control. Researchers say 30 minutes of daily humor therapy achieved lasting effects on myocardial infarction, i.e. faster healing and less medication.

Laugh for health


Therefore: Giggle and laugh with pride and for your health. You may be able to prevent diabetes, heart attack or stroke if you cluck loudly and roar with laughter until your stomach hurts and your tears run. By the way: It`s contagious; probably all others around you will also start laughing. Life can sometimes be very stressful and serious; too serious. Laughing might seem banal; however, you may help your health. Visit Laughter Yoga or simply tell the latest joke...


Blonde jokes


Blonde to her father: Father, You know who made the last place in the Cambridge exams? Father: No. Blonde: I!


A brunette and a blonde watch TV. A man wants to commit suicide by jumping from a building. The blonde: Lets bet if he jumps. I bet he does not jump. Brunette: I bet he jumps. Blonde: OK, 100 dollars, that he will not jump. The man is jumping. Brunette: Oh let it be, it is really unfair, I knew he jumps, because I have already seen this show. Blonde: Me too, but I did not think that it is stupid enough to jump again.


Blonde in school

A blonde comes home from school: Dad, today we have learned where is left. Father: Yes, and where is it, show me. The blonde lifts her left hand. Father: Super! And where is right? Blonde: This is what we learn tomorrow.


Teachers to the blonde at school: What time is the verbal "which should not have happened"? Blonde: condom imperfect.


Three women have a car accident in the desert. What do you take?

The redhead takes the seat, so that they can sit down while resting. The dark-haired takes water. The blonde takes the door. Then you can open the window to allow air coming in.


How to destroy an atom? You give it to a blonde and say: Do NOT destroy!


Why does the blonde  buy a brown cow? So she can make chocolate milk.


Blonde at the psychiatrist, blonde with puzzle and the blonde stewardess

The new blonde stewardess missing the next morning at the layover in a hotel. The captain calls in her room, why she does not come to the crew meeting. Blonde: I cannot leave the room, it only has three doors, one is the bathroom door, the other the closet door and at the third door is written "do not disturb".


Blonde to her psychiatrist: I travel a lot. All my clients complain that I am never to reach. Psychiatrist: Haven`t you got a phone? Blonde: That's too expensive; I have a mailbox. Psychiatrist: And that works? Blonde: I have not received any letters, but I've noticed that my postal code changes constantly when I drive around.


A blonde is desperately trying to assemble a puzzle. Frustrated and crying, she calls her husband to help: This must be a tiger. Husband: Pack the Frosted Flakes back in the box.



Giving cats pills


Quickly grab the cat and hold it firmly in your elbow, like holding a baby. Position your right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and press gently on the cheek, while the left hand holds the pill. If the cat opens its mouth, throw pill into mouth let the cat close the mouth and swallow the pill.

Collect the thrown out pill from the floor and grab the cat behind the sofa. Again trap the cat in the left elbow and repeat process.

Tug the cat out of bedroom and throw away the wet, slushy pill. Take a new pill from foil packaging, the animal back into the left elbow clamp and hold time the front paws with your left hand. Open the cat`s moth with a firmer grip and push pill with the right index finger deep into the throat. Hold the cat's mouth while you count to 10.

Remove the pill from the aquarium and the cat from cupboard. Call your husband from the garden to help.


Kneel on the floor and hold the cat firmly between your knees, where you hold the front as well as rear paws with a secure grip. Ignore the loud wailing of the cat. While your husband holds the cat's head, you maneuver the pill again deep in the throat, closing the cats mouth and massaging the animal's neck for 30 seconds.

Call the cat down from curtain rail (note that you need to buy new curtains), wipe the broken pieces from the shelf together (maybe it can be put together later).

Wrap the cat in a large towel; Now your husband holds the cat so that only the head is poking out. Try to put the pill on the straw and blow it in the cat's neck.

Check the package insert to ensure that just swallowed cats pill is not dangerous for you, and drink a large glass of water to take taste away. Doctoring the forearm of your husband and remove the bloodstains from the carpet with cold water and detergent.


Get your cat off the roof of the neighbor; take another pill. Place the cat in the closet, shut the closet door so that only the cat's head looking out. Press on the mouth with a dessert spoon and try throw in the pill with a rubber band.

Get the screwdriver out of the garage in order to put the door back into the hinge again. Press a cold compress on your injured cheek and check if your tetanus vaccination is still valid. Throw away your shirt and put on a new one.

Call the fire brigade to remove your cat out of the tree in front of your house. Apologize to neighbor who knocked down his fence because he was dodging your cat. Take the last pill from the pack.


Tie the cat with straw cord from the garden firmly on the dining room table. Get the trucker gloves out of the barn and a clamp, to open the mouth. Stuff the pill inside plus a large piece of filet. Hold the cat's head vertically and pour a quart of water.

Let your husband drive you as soon as possible to the emergency room, so the doctor can sew your fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from the left eye. On the way back pass at the furniture store to order a new table.

Call your veterinarian and ask for a home visit.

(Please note: This is a joke, I love my cats!!! But who has ever given medicine to a cat, knows what I'm talking about ...)


It's hard to be a fatty


How corpulent people suffer

I live in the most perfect accordion style: In recent years, I have constantly gained weight and lost ... several times. I took off 30 pounds and gained 32 pounds, I finished my diet with 42 pounds less then again had a feast up to 45 pounds and so on. Thyroid problems, genetics, lack of exercise, a bit of everything. Life of a fatty is hard...


Being oversize is difficult

At the moment I'm fat (yes, the critics say fat, they do not use this gentle word "heavy"). They call me FAT. There are plenty of dark times through which we Fatties, Chubbies, Thickies go. We are afraid to sit on plastic chairs. In fast food chains, bistros and restaurants we do not pass between tables and chairs, which are bolted to the floor. We are ashamed to order dessert. We used as a reference point for localization: XY sitting next to the fat man over there...

Worst of all is when a voluptuous person has the unorthodox need to buy clothes. Fatties can only buy handkerchiefs or beddings without worrying. Otherwise the rest of the world chuckles, whispering behind their hands, indicating with fingers at us, winks, stares and makes dirty jokes.


Being pudgy is hard

It is incredibly difficult to find clothes in XL, XXL or larger. And if you then maybe finally found something, you have to squeeze into it, in those tiny dressing rooms. Sure, there are special shops for Chubbies; but when I see those huge sacks (not bags) in which the purchases are put, it is the last straw, frankly speaking. You do not leave the shop with a shopping bag, but with a sack in the format of camping sacks, an outdoor sleeping bag, a tent. And as usual: Everybody stares. 90% of all thick people go rather shopping online...


To complete the tragedy: Those shops usually have names that are anything else but funny: Fluffy, clever fat, Fatty, corpulent, well padded, obese, big thing, more fabric, thick elegance, XXXL...

Shall I call a friend and say: Hey, let's go shopping, in potbelly shop? Really paunchy…


Are there limits for science?