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Prologue: Lola’s Last Love
I’m Lola. My story begins a bit before it actually begins if you know what I mean. The beginning of a story is just a snapshot anyways. No matter how much you try to fit in the frame, you’re never really going to get the whole picture. Well today, I want to try to give you the whole picture. So here I am, remembering my last real boyfriend — the guy who turned me into the woman I am today. I’m not proud of that, but it’s true.
I met Darius a few months after my first promotion at Financial Tech, Inc. He worked at one of our competitors heading the sales department and when I first met him, I was swept away. But this isn’t about when I first met Darius. This is about what happened after we’d been together for three years.
I was in my kitchen — back before I could afford my two bedroom condo — and Darius stood across the counter from me. He was smiling, as he usually did and holding a bouquet of roses.
“What are those for?” I snarled at him.
Darius bent his head, still smiling and set them on the counter. I didn’t budge.
“Those are for you. I’m sorry Lola.”
That was when he pissed me off.
“Don’t you dare tell me sorry when you and I both know you ain’t sorry.”
“I bought you flowers,” He replied.
But he didn’t say it in the sad, pathetic way you’d expect. No, Darius had the gall to sound indignant.
I looked him up and down and wondered how I could have ever fallen from him. Ok, Darius was fine, but from the time he opened his mouth I should’ve known he was up to no good. He was a medium brown color, the color my Southern friends would’ve called “yellow bone”. His eyes were a deep dark brown — so brown they had once reminded me of molasses. But as Darius stood there across my counter, all 6’5” of him, all I could think about was how badly I wanted to reach over there and slap him.
“Flowers won’t fix a damned thing Darius. Why are you even here? What the hell do we have to talk about?”
“I’m sorry you found out,” He mumbled.
“That’s what you’re sorry about? You’re sorry that I found out? I swear to God Darius…”
“Baby, we can work it out.”
I stared at him with rage in my eyes.
“You really think we can work this out? Darius, I spent four years with you — four years wishing and hoping that you just needed more time to figure things out and then I find out…”
I paused. Even if I’d known for two weeks, spitting the words out still felt like I was cutting off my own tongue.
“And then I find out…” I continued, “That you’ve been married. All these late hours, all those weekends you spent working… I wasted four years of my life with a married man!”
Darius shook his head, “My wife… My wife and I just don’t connect like we used to.”
“Don’t give me that bullshit Darius!” I yelled at him.
And of course, Darius never lost his cool, not even for a second.
“Baby, you have to listen to me. The world doesn’t want us to be together.”
I couldn’t listen to him a minute longer.
“GET OUT OF HERE DARIUS!”
He reached for his flowers.
“No! Don’t take the fucking flowers, just get the hell out of my apartment.”
When he saw I was serious, Darius changed. He became unlike the man I’d known for four years. But really, who was the man I’d known.
“You’ll never find a man if you leave me behind. You’re a slut and you’re too focused on your career for any decent man to want you.”
“Fuck you Darius.”
Darius shrugged, “I’ll let you have your way Miss Thing but I know you’ll be crawling back to me begging me to take you back. Strong black men are rare these days…”
“You’re a cheating bastard! If that’s what makes a strong black man, then maybe I don’t want one!”
I could feel Darius’ temper rising and the smart thing to do would have been not to provoke him. But I couldn’t help it. I was pissed. Darius stepped around the counter and grabbed my wrist, squeezing tightly.
I jerked my wrist away from him but it didn’t free me from his grasp. He leaned in closer to me and then hissed, “If you say another fucking word I will beat your fucking head into that countertop, do you hear me?”
I nodded, shaking. I couldn’t recall a time I’d ever been more terrified. I’d known Darius could get aggressive, but I assumed he was just a passionate man. Back then, I saw for the first time that the man I’d thought I was getting to know was nothing like the man standing in front of me. That allowed the pain to ease up a bit.
Darius continued, “Now I’ll walk out of that door but when I come back, and I will come back, you won’t say a fucking word. I want you Lola. You’re mine and I will have whoever I want, when I want them. Do you understand?”
I had no choice — I nodded. Darius released my hand and I jerked my wrist away from him. He was still smiling, a chilling cold smile with nothing behind it. For the first time I noticed that Darius’ eyes never seemed to shift emotionally. His face would twist and contort into all the right ways, but his eyes remained the same — cold and dead.
He walked out of my apartment and I rushed to the door locking it. I knew I had to get out of there. I’d pissed him off real bad and he’d just threatened me. When men threaten women, it’s best they’d better mind his threats because you never know what a man will do when he’s angry. I packed an overnight bag and called my sister Anna-Mae. She agreed to take me in for the night and I promised to explain everything to her when I got there.
Anna-Mae was my eldest sister and I guess she was the one who I’d always trusted to take care of me. Plus, she hated Darius. She was the only one in my family who wasn’t over the moon that I’d landed such a successful black man like Darius. He’d charmed all the women in my family but he’d never been able to crack Anna-Mae. She’d always said there was something funny about him. I had to figure out the hard way that she was right.
I locked up my house and then drove over to Anna-Mae’s. Her house was fifteen minutes from down town and she lived there with her husband — a tech entrepreneur named Johnny — and their three kids. Johnny worked late often but he made enough money so that Anna-Mae could quit her nursing job and stay home with their three kids. Most of the mamas I knew worked but my sister had always been lucky.
She came out to greet me at the car and even if I didn’t need it, she helped me carry my overnight bags all the way to her guest room. She handed me a crisped white towel and washcloth so I could take a shower while she put the kids to bed. I took her up on her offer. Anna-Mae had one of those fancy overhead shower heads in her guest bathroom so I took the opportunity to soak in the luxurious stream and just close my eyes.
When I’d first found out about Darius, I’d been angry — very angry. I’d smashed half the plates in my house and it had taken Anna-Mae and my second sister KC to calm me down. But then I calmed down and realized that I only had one choice: end things.
I don’t understand how women can date married men and know about it. The minute I found out about Darius’ wife, I knew it was over. It had been doomed from the start. Men lie and lie, but they never seem to get punished for it. It’s always us women. What I’d thought had been a relationship had been a drain on four years of my life. When I tell you I cried about it, you wouldn’t begin to understand the half of it.
After I’d cried about it more and then some more after that, Anna-Mae told me I should pray about it. KC seemed unimpressed with her advice. What they could both agree on was that I needed to get rid of Darius. KC didn’t mind him so much, but she seemed to think that if his wife found out she’d go crazy on me. Who could blame her.
When I stepped out of the shower, I slipped into a white t-shirt and a pair of black leggings that I struggled to fit around my thighs and hips. I looked in the mirror and realized that I’d lost weight in the last few months of my relationship with Darius. Things had been more stressful. I’d been trying to convince him to tie the knot for months. And for obvious reasons, I wasn’t getting through to him. But the stress had taken some of the weight off my tummy and hips. Usually I would have cheered on a little weight loss but I knew I looked gaunt. And worse, I looked unhappy.
I tip-toed downstairs, trying my hardest not to awaken Anna-Mae’s kids. Johnny was due home in twenty minutes but Anna-Mae had popped on the kettle and made me a hot mug of tea. I sat down with her and started sipping. The warmth from the tea washed over me mighty strong and I felt for the first time since I’d found out, like crying.
“Don’t cry,” Anna-Mae warned me, “You know he ain’t worth your tears.”
“How could I be so stupid?” I asked her, “The signs were there all along.”
Anna-Mae looked at me with her brilliant grey eyes. Those eyes were something that bound us all together. My sisters and I all had skin that was so dark it was almost purple, but we had brilliant grey eyes. Everyone in our family did. It was a trait that had been passed on for generations, giving each of us a unique look.
Looking into Anna-Mae’s eyes was almost like looking into a mirror. And Lord, I hated seeing the pitiful way she looked at me.
“I never liked him.”
“He’d never let you come to his place in four years.”
“I thought he was just a private man.”
Anna-Mae scoffed, “He was private. Because he had a wife.”
“He had us all fooled.”
Anna-Mae skipped the opportunity for another “I told you so”.
“Well it’s over… But something happened Annie.”
“What is it?” She looked concerned.
I knew that look. Anna-Mae had always been ready to throw down for me whether I was dealing with a stingy college professor or a schoolyard bully.
“When I told him to get on out, he got different. He grabbed my wrist real hard and he said that I’d better take him back when he came.”
“Show me where he grabbed you,” Anna-Mae demanded.
I had to be honest with myself, the spot still hurt. I showed Anna-Mae my arm. She pressed down on my flesh and I winced.
She pointed to a large area of my arm and then I saw it. I’d bruised — deep purple bruises that looked like they were going to get worse.
“It hurts,” I told her.
Anna-Mae replied, “I bet it does. You should call the police.”
“Really? The police?”
Life in the suburbs had put Anna-Mae a little out of touch. There was no way in hell the police would do a damned thing about Darius. Hell, I wouldn’t have been surprised if he was friends with half the force.
“Alright, don’t call the police but you need to be careful Lola. He’s dangerous. What makes you think he won’t beat your ass up?”
“I know,” I replied, lowering my head, “That’s why I came here.”
“We’ll have to do something about this,” Anna-Mae replied.
She let go of my wrist and then looked at me sternly.
“What kind of man have you gotten yourself mixed up with.”
“I have no idea,” I answered her.
And that was the God-honest truth. I had know idea. I’d done everything right and I’d found a man who seemed to play by society’s rules. He was everything society told me a man was supposed to be. And he seemed to be perfect. He was a regular at the local Baptist Church, he had a good career and he was loved by everybody.
But Darius had been a wolf in sheep’s clothing. And I had a feeling that was just the beginning.
“Maybe you should leave the state.”
“I ain’t leaving.”
Anna-Mae shifted uncomfortably in her seat, “Well you’ve got to do something.”
“I just need to watch my back.”
My sister nodded. But I could tell she wasn’t through worrying about me. She didn’t have to worry. I was taking her warning seriously. But I was still broken, still hurt, and I didn’t know if I’d be able to love another man again. I’d put all my eggs in one basket and I’d trusted Darius to be my everything.
As it turned out, he was a phantom. After Johnny came home, I kissed Anna-Mae goodnight, ignoring the worry in her phantom gray eyes. I left my sister and her husband in the living room to catch up with each other and enjoy a few moments without their kids.
Anna-Mae’s words stuck with me. I knew I had to do something to keep myself safe — and to keep myself sane. Darius had exerted control over me that I’d never thought possible. At that point, I couldn’t conceive of dating another man. But if I did, I knew I’d never give myself to anyone that deeply again.
Men couldn’t be trusted. That’s what my relationship with him taught me. And if men couldn’t be trusted, I promised myself I would never be fooled again. I’d find a guy who was honest about who he was on the inside. I’d find a guy who would never be able to hurt me again with lies and secrets. When I went upstairs into Anna-Mae’s guest bedroom, it suddenly hit me that everything I’d thought about love was different. I’d been changed forever. Love no longer represented hope and promise but fear that someone would hurt me — and that I wouldn’t survive if I had to go through heartbreak like this all over again.
I knew what kind of guy Mark Jagger was when I met him and that drew me to him like a fly to honey. He was everything I was looking for in a man when I’d met him. Mark was 6’3” tall and he had short cropped dirty blonde hair, killer white teeth and a body like a God. After a few drinks, I was hooked. I hate to say it but I was even more attracted to him when he told me he was “polyamorous”.
That night we didn’t sleep together but Mark explained to me what being with him entailed. He was seeing three other women and they all knew about it. They were free to see who they wanted and he was free to see who he wanted, as long as they were honest about it. I remember when he told me that at the bar, I almost burst into tears.
Thankfully, I didn’t. But after what I’d been through with Darius, I felt like I was witnessing a miracle. Mark was honest — up front. I didn’t mind that he was seeing other women because hell, I’d already been through it with a man who had a whole family. At least Mark was honest.
And his honesty kept me hooked for two years. Yes, I’ve been seeing Mark for two years and that whole time, I’ve known about the other women he’s seeing. It’s easier that way. I don’t have to worry about him lying and I don’t have to worry about him expecting much from me.
Since I’ve met Mark, I’ve been promoted twice and now I’m the Chief Financial Officer in the company. I have twenty-five people working under me and my office is almost as big as that first condo I moved into. I live in an even bigger two bedroom condo and I bought myself a white BMW — cash. I don’t need a man to take care of me. I only need a man to be honest with me.
And despite his unconventional lifestyle, Mark is honest.
I had him on the weekends for the next six months so I showed up on Friday as we’d planned. I let myself in with my key to his place and I went upstairs to get dressed. Mark was the kind of guy who was both kind, but dominant. He had specific tastes for women and instructions that all his girls had to follow on their nights. I didn’t know his other girls very well, but I knew that a part of why Mark loved me so much was that I was different from any woman he’d ever dated.
I’d fallen into his routine so easily and outside of our confusing “situationship” we made decent friends. I looked at the clock in Mark’s bathroom. Twenty minutes until he got home.
I’d just finished shaving everything and I slipped into the lingerie Mark had placed on a white wire hanger for me. The black teddy hugged my curves and the thong slipped between my ass cheeks, highlighting my gorgeous buttocks. I let down my hair, which was 18” long and totally natural except for the flat iron I ran over it every morning. I slipped into the knee high stockings Mark had left me and clipped them to the garter hanging from the teddy.
The final piece of the outfit was a pair of six inch Louboutin heels. Mark liked spoiling me like this, even if he knew I could afford everything he bought me and more all on my own. With fifteen minutes to spare, I worked on my makeup. I brushed dark shadow around my grey eyes and finished a smokey eye makeup look. I’d been waiting all week to see Mark and I knew when he walked in through that door, he’d rock my world.
Life got so much better for me when I learned to keep things casual with men. With Darius, I’d made mistakes. I’d thought all men were like my daddy — good, honest and willing to go the distance. But I’d learned that modern love was a lie. And as I’ve told you, Mark was honest. If there was a potential for love here, we’d never allow ourselves to explore it. We were a generation built for casual encounters, not lasting love, and I had to force myself to be “ok” with that, despite my childhood dreams of a big wedding and everlasting love.
If such a thing had ever existed, I was convinced that it had died many years ago.
I heard Mark walk in and I stood in the doorway to his bedroom waiting for him. He bounded up the stairs knowing what awaited him. When he saw me in the doorway, Mark let out a loud, long whistle.
“Holy shit that looks good on you.”
I spun around in the doorway giving him a look at all my goodies. He whistled again.
“Like what you see?”
Mark scoffed, “Hell yeah I like it. Come here baby.”
I strut towards him in my heels and let Mark wrap me in his arms. After a hellish week his arms engulfed me in the kind of warmth and comfort that I needed. He tilted my chin up towards his lips and then kissed me long and slow. He gripped my ass cheeks as he kissed me and pulled me closer.
“Mmmm,” I mumbled as he pulled me in for a second kiss.
“I can’t believe how good this looks on you.”
I pulled away from him and smirked, “You probably say that to all your girls.”
“Maybe you all look good.”
I dove in for another kiss. Mark gripped my waist again and I could feel his dick stirring in his pants. He wasn’t a man for wasting time at all.
“Easy there, we have all night,” I reminded him.
He pulled away, “You’re right. Tell me about work today.”
“On second thoughts,” I replied, “Maybe we should just get right to it.”
Mark grinned. The tricky bastard. He knew the last thing I’d want to get into was figures and tables, especially not with a guy that looked like him standing in front of me.
“Wine?” Mark offered.
“No thanks, let’s just head into the bedroom.”
He grinned and followed me. I knew he was checking out my ass as I walked ahead and Mark couldn’t help himself but to whistle again as I reclined back on his kingsized bed. He kept his eyes on me as he started to strip down to nothing. I watched as Mark revealed his body piece by piece.
He pulled off his work shirt and his rock hard abs came into view. Mark was the biggest gym rat I’d ever seen — spending hours a day sculpting his body despite the fact that he was one of the highest paid anesthesiologist in the country, he always found time to dedicate to his physique. He didn’t just look good for forty; he looked good compared to anybody.
Mark undid his belt and slipped into just his underwear. His dick bulged through his boxer briefs and I felt my pussy stirring with anticipation as he walked towards the bed. Mark’s dick redefined my perception of a “big dick”. He wasn’t just long, but his dick was thick and huge veins wrapped around his beautiful, dusky pink member.
As Mark climbed into bed with me, he pulled me close and started to kiss me on the lips again. I ran my hand down his abs and grasped his cock through his boxers. He pushed me onto my back and positioned himself on top of me. He kissed and kissed me, letting his hand trail over the lace teddy that covered my body.
I kicked off the heels and allowed Mark to trace the outline of my hips and to squeeze onto bits of my flesh as his hands roved over my body. Mark’s hands hovered outside my pussy lips and he began to massage my mound slowly through my lingerie. I began to writhe beneath him, encouraging him to reach for my clit and start coaxing me to climax.
Mark stopped abruptly and then moved back up to kissing my lips. He used his hands to slip the teddy off my shoulders, around my voluptuous breasts and down to my hips. Mark struggled to slip the outfit around my buttocks, but soon I was lying there naked before him — no more lingerie and no stockings. Half the fun of the outfit was pulling it off me.
He looked at my shaved wetness between my legs and licked his lips.
“I’ve been waiting all day to taste you.”
He began to kiss my stomach and then the top of my mound. I squirmed as his tongue traced my thighs and my desire for him deepened. Mark squeezed my thighs and spread my legs open to allow himself greater access to what was between my legs. He inhaled the scent of my wetness and groaned with euphoria.
He loved my scent, my wetness and my taste more than life itself. Receiving Mark’s kisses between my thighs drove me wild. He knew exactly where to touch me and for how long and he could bring me to writhing, shrieking orgasms at the slightest touch. Mark was great in bed — better in bed than anyone I’d been with. What made him even better was the fact that I didn’t have to worry about him. I could just be.
I gasped as Mark’s tongue made contact with my clit for the first time that night. I squirmed slightly and he pressed my thighs into the bed holding me still.
“Don’t move,” He commanded.
I obliged him and tried to hold my breath as Mark began to lap at my pussy greedily. I held still, but I couldn’t keep quiet. I let out a loud moan as Mark’s tongue grazed my clit and as he eagerly sucked on my pussy lips and the flesh between them.
“Ohhhh yes!” I cried out. I could already feel a climax coming close.
“Don’t stop,” I whimpered again.
Mark had no reason to stop. He squeezed my thighs and began to lap his tongue at my pussy more furiously. I moaned and moaned but Mark just kept going. His tongue spread my pussy lips apart and pleasure began to surge throughout my body.
“I’m cumming… I’m cumming…” I whimpered.
As I writhed beneath him in the throes of climax, Mark only sucked at my pussy lips more furiously. Stars began dancing before my eyes as I gasped for breath and trembled beneath Mark’s grasp. He began to focus his attention on his clit as I writhed beneath him and catching my breath grew harder and harder.
Explosions of euphoria started in my core and emanated out to every inch of my flesh. I managed to reach my hand over to grab Mark’s hair and I tried to pull his face away from my wetness but he wouldn’t let up until I reached another climax. After I’d cum again, Mark pulled away from me. Before I could catch my breath, he pressed his lips to mind and thrust his tongue into my mouth.
I sucked my sweet juices off his lips and when he pulled away I looked at him with awe.
“That was amazing.”
It always was amazing. Mark was the most attentive partner that I’d ever had and I’d hit the jackpot with him. He knew how to eat a woman out and he had alarming stamina.
“We aren’t done for the night babe,” He informed me.
I nodded, “I know.”
“Good. I can’t wait to rock your world all night long.”
I knew he meant it. With Mark, I could always have the guarantee of a good time. I pulled his face closer to mine and kissed him again.
“Maybe this time I’ll have some wine.”
Mark leapt up out of bed and bowed before me dramatically.
“I want you on all fours and covered in oil by the time I get back. Wine is a reward for good girls.”
“Yes sir,” I giggled.
Mark left the room and I went to his drawer of sex toys. Well our drawer. Each of his girls had a drawer in his bedroom and we weren’t supposed to open any of the others. I was more than happy to agree to that. I smiled and opened out drawer. The mango flavored massage oil and lubricant was half-way finished. I took it out. That was my favorite one. When I’d first met Mark, I’d been worried about his ability to “handle” a strong black woman like me and really, the mango flavored lube should have been a tip off.
I rubbed my buttocks and my thighs and my pussy with the lube and presented myself on all fours on Mark’s bed. I imagined the look of desire on his face when he walked into the room and saw me with my pussy exposed for him and only him. I know Mark loved that feeling — the feeling like he could own every bit of you. And when he got all possessive like that, well he knew how to make a girl scream his name all night long.
I heard Mark walk into the room and he sucked in air real fast.
“Damn.”I tried to glance back over my ass, checking out the view over my perfectly arched back.
“Why don’t you get on over here?” I encouraged him.
Mark didn’t need to hear me say it twice. He set the wine glasses down and hustled over to bed. He stripped down to nothing and slipped a condom onto his dick. Considering our “arrangement” we all had to present STD testing every four months and we always used protection. This time was no different.
I double checked with Mark to see he was wearing a condom and then I allowed him to slide his dick up against my entrance. I braced myself.
Mark began to slide his dick inside me slowly. The tingling and stretching sensation between my legs was one I should’ve gotten used to. Still, fitting Mark’s dick inside me was hard. I gasped for breath and Mark gripped my hips as he slid the rest of his big long dick inside me. I moaned as my tightness grew accustomed to Mark’s invading member.
His dick was huge and every time we had an encounter like this, it took me a while to adjust to his thick, perfect member. Once Mark’s hardness was fully embedded inside me, he began to thrust his hips in and out of my pussy repeatedly. The first few strokes were nice and deep, causing me to cry out in the perfect mixture of pain and pleasure.
When Mark’s hardness had adjusted to the tight heat between my legs, he began to plunge into me harder and faster. I moaned and moaned as Mark smacked my ass cheeks and drove his cock deep into my pussy.
“Oh yes! Harder! Harder!” I moaned as Mark began to ram into me even deeper.
I could hear his breathing getting shallow and we were both working up a big sweat. I could feel tightening in my core and throbbing in my pussy as I approached a large orgasm from his invading member.
“Don’t stop! Take me!”
Mark grunted, “Oh yeah babe, oh yeahhh. Whose pussy is this?”
I whimpered, “It’s yours… It’s yours baby…”
“Oh yeah…” Mark grunted.
He began to pound into me harder and harder. I could feel his strong masculine hands gripping my hips powerfully as he prepared to cum. He took his thumb and began to massage my asshole as he drove his dick deep inside me.
“Ohhh,” I moaned.
“Take it babe… Take my big dick…” He grunted.