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THE LETTERS WE
© 2012 Bernard Morris
The author asserts the moral right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work. All Rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrievable system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means without the prior written consent of the author, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.
Cover Image by skutin/yaymicro.com
We know you buy and love to read The Sin every day. It is known throughout the world as a publication which specialises in topless girls and the salacious escapades of horny footballers.
You also know what we stand for. We’re against Europe. We’re against immigrants. We’re against homosexuals. We’re for making lots of money.
It is these things which make us the family-friendly Voice of the Nation. A strong commitment to making Australian geriatrics extremely wealthy.
Despite this commitment to the basic democratic and decent values which make our nation Great we know that there are some amongst our readership who are, frankly speaking, bonkers. These unfortunates have taken the opportunity, many times, to write to The Sin to express their views. There is no possible way we could print these letters in our hallowed pages, but we do feel that they deserve to be read so that we shall, as the Bible says, ‘know the weirdos amongst us’.
We therefore present you with this compilation of 100 letters which we found unsuitable for publication. They are for your edification and education and certainly not for your amusement. All moneys raised from the sale of this collection will go towards buying up all media operations throughout the universe, so help me God.
Letters Editor, The Sin
For years I had been complaining to my doctor that I had a bent big toe. It was the bane of my life. I had tried everything to straighten it. Can you imagine my relief when a recent test at my hospital revealed that my big toe is perfectly straight. It is the rest of my body that is bent.
Following the latest craze of famous pop stars adopting babies, I think Lady GaGa should adopt one. She could call it Baby GooGoo.
When I was a student in the 1980s I was overwhelmed with joy on hearing I had passed my audition to appear on Blockbusters with the legendary Bob Holness. I was also, however, a little apprehensive about putting myself on the hot spot for I have very sensitive feet that easily blister when subjected to high temperatures. Imagine my relief when I did actually put myself on the hot spot only to discover it wasn’t hot in the slightest.
I’m a hoodie and I think it’s a disgrace that the Government are thinking about banning them. What about little old ladies who wear headscarves? Headscarves cover the face just as much as hoodies do. And some of them old ladies also carry sticks.