Are you a corporate („corpo“) dinosaur, hyena or maybe a meerkat? Have you thought about it already? Do you know what is the best survival strategy for hyenas and other corporate personality types? This book is a perfect survival kit for people joining or working already for corporations or smaller companies. Written in a half-joking way, the book will give you some helpful tips on how to succeed faster and avoid mistakes on the way. Remember each mistake places your success farer away from you. Be smart and get to the finish line faster! A perfect gift for your office friends!The book includes a personality test, so make sure you verify what corpo type you are!
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Copyright © 2018 Fia Foss
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Table of contents
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1. The corpo beast
2. The corpo life - Opportunities
3. Joining the corpo jungle
4. “Keep busy” or “look busy”?
5. The most common corpo personalities
6. The corpo hyena
7. The corpo dinosaur
8. The corpo meerkat
9. The corpo mouse
10. The corpo dog
11. The corpo rat
12. The corpo duck
13. The corpo fish
14. A mixed or a changing type?
15. Believe in yourself!
16. Be assertive
17. The corporate communication style
18. Shot down at the very last minute?
19. First learn the system to know how to …
20. “How was your weekend?”
21. “Are you planning family and kids”?
22. The corpo “friends”
23. How to talk to corpo “friends”
24. Applying for a new job (allowed/prohibited questions)
25. Business lunches, business events, and parties
26. Internal promotions and external opportunities
27. If you give … then you’ll get?
28. The “perfect” candidate
29. The constant recruitment process
30. Women and their short career cycle
31. Am I a workaholic?
32. Is it all worth it?
33. “I want to go to another country!”
34. Promotions for foreigners
35. What’s your hobby?
36. TEST: What’s your corporate type?
37. TEST: The table for your answers
38. TEST: Employees at my office
39. TEST: Answers
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So,you are looking for a perfect job to become immediately rich, famous and happy? You probably dream about a huge and immediate success in a big and famous corporation located in a fancy building in the city center. Why not? Dream big!
On the other hand, it will not be easy. Except for a few (very few) exceptions, I don’t know a lot of people who jumped from nothing to success within the first few years. But it doesn’t mean that you will not make it! This book is a survival kit that will help you get to your success faster and make fewer mistakes on the way. Fewer mistakes mean less stress.
Have a look into this book and observe yourself and your surroundings. Maybe you will start to see some patterns or signs? Once you do realize how the corporations work … be like a hunter, always three steps ahead your victim. Be smart, assertive but polite, and never show anyone that you know how the game works!
1The corpo beast
“She’s coming”, the team members think. Without turning around, they know exactly when their boss is coming. You will also learn to distinguish all office sounds quickly, don’t worry.
Long before she comes, you can hear her loud and confident steps. Her heels hit the floor strongly, as if they were announcing her. She reaches the open space of her team. She looks amazing and scary at the same time. Her “latest season” pencil dress ideally matches her feminine body and her sexy very high-heeled shoes. You can see how team members are correcting themselves on their chairs, straightening their backs and looking closer at their screens as if they suddenly found something extremely important there. She quickly looks around to check who is already working, says, “Good morning,” and disappears at her big office.
The “corpo”(stands for “corporate”)beast. She was a nice and friendly person earlier … but then she missed her first promotion because her boss found out that she got engaged and decided that she would probably focus on her private life now. After a while, she missed her second promotion because one employee found out that she has applied for a better job and he made sure that she would not get it. Once she finally got her promotion, she was never the same person.
She does not even recognize herself anymore once she reaches the entrance door of the corporation. Is this still even her? Hmmm, not sure. Definitely, it is the way she is at the office….
2The corpo life - Opportunities
Corporations give a lot of possibilities – there is no doubt about it. You can earn money fast, get a nice title in front of your name, and be respected among all your friends and family who will do a lot of “ohhhs” and “ahhhhs” about your success.
Corporations are big and wealthy and give you an opportunity to gain something more than just salary and the title.
Note/Tip: Try to obtain as much information about language courses and certificates paid by your company and sign up as soon as possible! Don’t forget, the corpo life does not last long and you can also want to rest in a few years and enjoy your success, so plan your first years of employment on additional education. Don’t leave it for later! Later, your job will be more complicated, you will be older and tired quicker, and you might have already a family or other responsibilities. If you can, start doing certificates even on your studies already, or during your internship – the soon the better! You don’t want to get rich and then have to sit like a student and study books, don’t you think? There are much more interesting things to do then, believe me! Educate yourself first, and then you will have much more time to enjoy your increasing salary.
3Joining the corpo jungle
Entering the corpo jungle is a very important moment in your career. You have to be prepared for that.
Imagine that you enter a corporation as a friendly, open and talkative person. What do you think--how would the people around you react (your boss, office “friends,” etc.), if you suddenly get more reserved and talk less? Let me tell you, they would NOT BE HAPPY, and you could get punished for this. Do you think the word “punishment” is too big to describe this situation? Believe me, it is not. Remember, there are people who love control (like your boss). If the boss sees that he knows you well and he is controlling you, he will not be happy to find out that something went suddenly wrong or became different and he has no more access to your thoughts.
Note/Tip: All mistakes that you make at the beginning of your employment can follow you until the end of this job. It might be that the next possibility to implement bigger changes in your behavior will be with the next employer, and this would be definitely too late! So, think about what kind of person you want to present to your new boss already. Try not to provide too much personal information at the beginning. Stay reserved and observe … observe and observe!!!! Remember, it would look way better if the employee would start to open up with time, rather than a talkative employee who would suddenly close. Be wise! Observe and group people. Try to establish who is a hyena, who is a dinosaur, and who could be your office “friend.” Listen to your intuition, but don’t trust it! Be prudent!
Have a look intothe “I’m so boring” strategy described later in the book. It could be a good idea to start from.
4“Keep busy” or “look busy”?
Do you know the “keep busy” rule? If not, better get quickly familiar with it. Every boss would like his team to work without unnecessary breaks. If someone has nothing to do, he or she should ask another team member if there is something to do and help them out or find himself/herself another task. So, the rule says not only that you should work all the time, but also that you should get active and responsible for finding yourself a new task.
How to “keep busy”:
1.Be efficient with your work. Finish your job timely and ask your colleagues if you can help them. Don’t worry, your boss will definitely find out about it and you will hear appreciation words back.
2.Send emails to higher managers, if you don’t have anything to do, and ask them if there is something you could help them with. Don’t worry, they will not be surprised with this approach, rather happy that they get free hands ready to work.
3.Speak up, if you have any new ideas how to improve everyone’s work, how to be more efficient. If you have time, implement those ideas by yourself. For sure you will be noticed and appreciated by your boss.
No boss likes to see his subordinates watching films at the office, even though he knows that they are between two projects and have nothing to do.
Stay professionalall the time. If you cannot or don’t want to be busy, at least look busy. Don’t let others find out that you are resting and gathering some energy.
How to “look busy”:
1.Don’t watch film/YouTube etc. at your office!
2.You can listen to some music, if you have earphones; however, make sure that:
a.You don’t listen to the music too loud and people around you are not forced to listen to this music too!
b.Control your body while you listen to the music. Don’t dance on the chair, hit the floor according to rhythm with your leg, or play the piano with your fingers on the table.
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