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I walked into the small restaurant with its homely feel. Everything looked so relaxed, I got directed to my table by a smiling but silent waitress. I haven't been out of the house all weekend, and for a minute I was grateful for my intense craving for some taco.
I had been slightly worried that I could be pregnant with how intense my cravings had been gnawing at me since I woke up this morning. But then for one to be pregnant, doesn't it usually involved getting involved with a man? That too is impossible, since the only men I have been around being mostly either too self-absorbed to notice me or are only interested in other women. But it was okay because I wasn't looking to be involved with any man.
Two years ago, I probably won't believe it's remotely possible to live this long without sex, but here I was breathing and kicking. Okay, maybe not kicking but living. No! More like existing. Since I moved to Irvine to get away from the mess my life had become, it had been a routine filled boring lifestyle but it was better to be safe even if I felt dead inside.
A Carol started playing; it was that time of the year again. But unlike most people I don't get filled with all the jolly feelings but with dread. The season only reminds me of the reason I had to move here. A reason that pointed fingers at the man I had loved so fiercely, it was almost the death of me, but right now, I feel I’m safe here without goosebumps.
I looked down, and the hair on my arms was on their ends. I could feel eyes on me; could it be him? It wasn't possible for him to have followed me down here. I could feel my heart clench in my chest as I gathered the courage to look up to catch someone a table away from mine staring intently at me. It wasn't him thank goodness. However, when I looked back, I caught the most intense gray eyes I have ever seen staring at me, and my stomach did a double flip.
The smiling waitress came to stand beside me to take my order breaking my view to those amazing eyes that had been staring at me. Trying hard to calm myself, I ordered a bowl of salad and also Taco to go.
It must have been survival instinct, but somehow I felt the urge me to want to get out of there rather than sit and eat at the beautiful, relaxed restaurant. As soon as the waitress left, I looked up to stare at him. He was on his phone, and I found myself staring at him. He had a face that looked like it belonged on a billboard with high cheekbones. I felt like stroking them for some reason. He had a wavy mass of black hair that just begged for my fingers. He leaned back lazily as he kept swiping at his phone; his biceps flexing all so slightly. He was unbelievably gorgeous; I had to admit. Maybe he was a celebrity – with a face like that he possibly could be. He looked up, and I quickly looked away my cheeks burning hot. I fiddled with the menu feeling awkward. I could feel his strong gaze on me which sent a jolt of electricity through me and caused my palms to be sweaty. I perused the menu again trying not to look up. I couldn't resist the strong urge to look at him; maybe I could look at him covertly, I looked up and caught him looking at me, he smiled exposing a beautiful set of teeth with incisors that looked like fangs. Maybe he was a vampire.
His smile made me feel warm and tingly from my head to toes. My reaction to the mysterious man with eyes that made me want to know what he was thinking left me perplexed. It’s safe to say I haven't felt this nervous or excited in about two years. And honestly, it was weird given I saw for the first time.
The thought of going over and talking to him died as soon as it was birthed. The waitress came back with my order, and I paid for my food. As she left, I looked over at mystery man's table, but he was gone.
There was a folder on the table beside a vase, and I thought about waiting for him. Maybe if I walked past his table without melting into a wimpy mess, he would talk to me. As I waited, my thoughts trailed to my mystery man. I wondered what his name was or what he looked like under his shirt. The thought of him naked rushed blood to my cheeks. I thought about his strong jaws. What it would feel like to plant kisses down his jaw and have him hold me with his seemingly strong arms.
"Snap out of it," I ordered myself.
The looks from nearby tables told me I yelled aloud. I gathered my food, grabbed my car keys, and headed out.
I practically ran towards the end of the parking lot where I parked my sky blue Prius. I got in with my heart doing the rumba. I drew in two large gulps of air and drove away as if I was in a car chase trying to get those gray eyes out of my head.
I got home and dumped my food on the kitchen counter. I could barely feel my craving. I put the salad in the refrigerator and carried the Taco to my favorite couch. I switched between channels trying to find one that wasn't showing a cheesy Christmas movie, it felt so long ago that I used to love all the cheesy Christmas movies and songs. My phone lighted up, and a picture of my mom and me hugging and smiling at the camera came on.
"My precious," she said so calmly.
Her voice always washed over me, calming me down, just like when I got away. She would sit by my hospital bed praying and whispering about how all will work out as the Lord plans it. Of course, my belief in God died after a while of being in the dark praying and hoping that I won't die but her voice so soothing and calm, even in impossible situations, gave me hope.
"How is my little Belle doing?" she asked before I replied a word.
Belle used to be my favorite princess, and I would dress up like her every Halloween and costume party I got invited to.
"Peachy," I replied