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so here I am pregnant again and it started to feel like god was trying to help me heal from loosing my son. My man didn’t want to have another kid though and I was so sad because I did. It was for all the wrong reasons. You can’t replace your child which is what I kept having to tell myself so I went and had an abortion. I started looking at him very differently because the truth is I spent those sleepless nights mainly by myself with my son in the hospital. So it was like he could never understand the pain I had. He was being a selfish piece of shit. The fighting started again and even more severe because I realized I barely knew the man I just lost a child with. How could I experience something so emotional and painful with someone I barely knew. My depression and anger made me a very ugly person. I stopped working again, started getting the feeling that me and him just were not going to work. Instead of leaving I screamed, cried, and yelled trying to explain to him what he was doing wrong but he was way to into his own life to open his eyes. At a time in my life when I needed a strong man to hold me up I had a weak boy keeping me down. It became very toxic. I knew I had to figure something out and fast. How was I going to leave the man that I just lost a kid with though. I was some sort of weak bitch and that just added to my anger cause I felt like I was with my husband all over again. That was the last thing I needed to feel at this point in my life.