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Sometimes only an apocalypse can bring change. But who could know this one would involve one of Sweden's most famous and beloved celebrities during the filming of a lighthearted reality show? Fred had no idea, that's for sure. But it gave him the opportunity to take charge of his own life and stop looking back in anger. This is the true story of a life that started in the claws of the destructive and hypocritical Swedish Pentecostal movement and ends, through numerous insights, in the open-minded and loving philosophy of rational Satanism. It's about loving yourself and shaping your own universe, breaking free from from the insanity of Christian and heterosexual norms and the importance of secrets, magic, mysteries and insights.
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This book is dedicated to: G, my star, my universe. Markus, a co-traveler in art and Nagu. Jason, a friend and mentor in life and career. Leif, I’m very happy and honored to be your friend in the forest. Jocke, a friend in monsters and gore is a good friend indeed. Mom, who might not agree with me, but I know she loves me, no matter what. Rosi & Anders, fellow crazy cat persons. Stellan Karlsson for all the yellow cars and friendship over the years.
Special thanks: Tobias Myrbakk for valuable advices and making me keeping going when I wanted to give up. Niklas Nieminen for wonderful support and comments. Joel at Antikvariat Verklighetsflykt for making me read and write again. Lennart Bostedt for that extra year. Micke Dahlgren for those words of wisdom. Higgabam to you all.
A Liar's Biography.
On the Nose: The Power of Insights.
The Master of Master Suppression Techniques.
‘Round the Earth, Roaming About
A Few Words on Magic
A Few More Words on Magic.
The Modern Wand.
Signs of Happiness and Other Desperate Attempts to Fool Oneself.
Don’t be different!
Other People’s Kids.
I’m so Gay I Cause Localized Flooding
Competition Oriented Physical Activities and Other Time Wasters
Confessions of an Introvert Extrovert
An Encounter with a Chubby Family
Five Rules of How to Watch Film
The Secret of Charisma
Let Your Truth Be a Slice of Cake
Everything is Connected (Allt Hänger Ihop)
The Artist as Human Sacrifice
The Youth Leader
The One Good Thing I Learned from a Prayer Meeting.
The Spiritual Inferiority Complex
Don't Turn the Other Cheek
Human Value and Other Illusions
The Magic of BRA
The Martyrdom of Empty Barrels.
Do Cats Dream About Flying?
Shape of Houses.
Altered States of Amnesia.
A Satanist’s View on Past Life Regression.
The Exorcism of Fredson.
The Psychic Vampire and You.
Life and all that
The Secret of a Satisfying Relationship.
The Power of Let Go
The Fragile Ash of the Mathematical Bonfire.
My Own Private Apocalypse.
I might have been raised in a Christian environment, but my upbringing was purely the work of the devil. I'm not bitter it took me so long to embrace this, I see it as a path I had to walk to fully understand my existence. To make it clear; I don’t believe in God and I don’t believe in Satan. I don’t believe in any supernatural entities controlling our lives or abstract beings we need to pray to once a day to be able to go to heaven or any other mystical after death location, neither heaven or hell. The only one I believe in and worship is myself - but no, I’m not an asshole. There’s more to Satanism than meets the eye.
The fictional character of Satan though, the mythological figure raising, literary, hell in his fights against the “good” powers, have fascinated me since childhood. Sometimes his red face and glowing eyes would look upon me from the pages of some religious scripture, or his bare breasted body and horned head on the wall of some church seemed to attract me as a young boy way more than was appropriate. The stories about Satan and his hell always felt more fun and less fake, because he embraced the lust and ego we all have, and that made him easy to relate to.
But most important of all; he fucked with the heavenly dictator himself, the so-called “God”, to a degree it was hard to not love the guy. No one likes a bully, and God is the ultimate bully: the master of master suppression techniques and in general a hypocritical asshole. No doubt about it.
I was raised in a Christian community and spent many years in the Swedish Pentecostal Movement, including teen camps, tent meetings, prayer events and reading the bible as a good, on the surface, brainwashed kid - but I always felt it was all a lie. I discovered a dishonesty among the more honored members in the congregations I was involved with, where healthy sexuality and popular culture from the outside was banned - but inside the church there was a wide array of sexual activities, drinking and gaming - and in some cases even serious sexual abuse, which was silenced by those in charge.
These hypocritical religious “leaders” made me very soon realize there’s no almighty to worship up above, but instead of blaming all the sins on the devil like everyone else did, I decided to embrace these satanic sins and become the person who I really wanted to be. In my teens, after spending years pretending to believe in God and Jesus and Heaven and Hell, I left the church and decided to focus on what I love; horror films, books, writing, filming and once in a while have passionate sex with other dudes.
Later in life I became, as many young men and women, fascinated by the works of Anton LaVey, the founder of The Church of Satan. I’m not a member, but I still carry a lot of his philosophy within me, and he have without a doubt paved the way for me to find myself in the name of individualism, positive egoism and rational Satanism. I don’t believe or worship Satan or any other beings - outside myself. For me Satan stands for enlightenment, opposition, self-critique, humor, lust and ego.
No one says you need to be an asshole if you’re a Satanist, or a heartless idiot if you’re an individualist - it’s all about taking care of yourself first, so you have strength (if you feel for it) to deal with everyone and everything around you. Oh, and have a lot of fun.
I wrote this collection of essays in a frenzy, four months after experiencing an ordeal that broke me down to nothing and at the same time led me to be stronger than ever. I spent two months wandering in the nature, analyzing myself and my surroundings, and when the New Year arrived I was a new person where most pieces of my puzzle had found a place. Something, an abstract inner force, made me start writing again after years feeling blocked. Every thought and insight I had from five years of age until now just poured out. This is my up and downs, my anger and happiness, some silliness and a lot of seriousness. Almost everything revolves around Satanism and/ or individualism and that what Anton LaVey calls lesser magic.
It’s nothing weird, it just about seeing the world with a new set of eyes. No regrets, absolutely no regrets at all. Because when your day comes, and it will be you all alone facing the great unknown, it’s all about you and what you’ve done in your life.
I know I’ll die happy, do you?
Fred Andersson, 2018
You need to create what you want to be, and that also means changing the past. Sometimes with lies, sometime telling the truth from a different viewpoint, at times exaggerating or maybe taking everything back a notch or two.
What’s a lie anyway? If it’s the truth for you it doesn't matter if someone tells you the opposite. We’re not here to please others, we’re here to please ourselves and that also means what we come from and what we’re made of. One important ingredients here is of course responsibility. If you claim to be the best surgeon (or chef, parent, pilot, translator and so on) and you can’t live up to those claims, then you need to take full responsibility - it’s utterly stupid to live a life filled with lies that can hurt someone else.
I’ve noticed all my heroes have very ambiguous pasts. From Anton LaVey and his work as a crime photographer and lion tamer to Erich von Däniken’s exotic adventures and incredible discoveries around the world. Maybe it’s all true, maybe it’s not. But it’s there and somehow it has become the truth for them and some of their followers, when others keep a distance and don’t see the point with exaggerating the past.
But I say, why not? Why don’t breathe in extra life to those early years, to those years no one ever will find out the truth about. Change details every time you tell your life’s story, confuse all those people around you who craves the truth. Give them the truth, your truth, in that very moment and make it to be the only truth then and now. Nothing wrong with that, because every time you remember something from your past it will be what it is when you’re retelling it. The objective truth is long since gone, even if it’s about something so small and utterly unimportant to your greatest days.
I had long black hair when I was born, fragments from my family’s connection to the Romani people far back in history. We’re also descendants from Harald Bluetooth, the Danish king who was the first one in Scandinavia to officially convert his country to Christianity - which I suspect was him trolling the fuck out of his countrymen. My mother was a welder of submarine and nuclear plant parts and some other top secret constructions. My dad, a musician, played with Eric Clapton and was one of Sweden’s most promising rugby stars. I refused to eat as an infant and nearly didn’t leave the hospital alive. At an early age, maybe as early as five or six, I realized there was no god and understood I wasn’t like everyone else around me. During my teens I became an illusionist and performed hundreds of times during every form of occasion, from churches and circuses to television and private parties. I never felt guilt for being gay, never felt ashamed. Which also made me leave the Christian environment I was raised in. I’ve traveled the jungles of Thailand and Cambodia, I’ve walked the Great Wall of China and visited the suicide forest at the foot of Fuji in Japan. Mysteries of all kinds it what drives me forward. When I was younger I also recorded several albums with an experimental music ensemble, I’ve also starred in numerous TV-commercials, TV-series, feature length movies and short films. Nothing gives me as much comfort as horror and cats and the man I’m married to. Nature and writing gives me peace. This is my official biography. What’s the truth in it? Well, everything and nothing and whatever makes me feel something.
Maybe this is magic or lesser magic, in the way that I’m creating this right now, making this the ultimate truth for me and you right now. Why would you doubt me? But on the other hand, why would you trust me? And whatever you choose to believe, does it really mean something for you? Why not just accept it? Or let it go and focus on how you want to be remembered instead.
Soon you’ll feel the striking power of creating your own path; past, present and future.
Insights is a powerful thing. As all of you, I hope, I’ve had it many times over the years and I’ve always learned something from them. It can be that something is not for me, or that I need to handle a difficult situation a certain way, but also that I’m good at something, or that if I do that it will be a positive thing later in life.
Aren’t just insights the moment when magic becomes reality? Even if an insight can be a banality, maybe it tells you how you will be able to open a can, or use a key in a problematic lock, how to use your hand and/or equipment in certain ways to unlock something, whatever it is.
But the most powerful insights are those that’s been growing inside you for you years, stuff that finally comes together in words or in a physical act. In some cases, it’s the realization what our sexuality really is, no matter it’s being gay, straight, non-binary, Trans and so on. I’m sure most straights out there, with the most common (yeah, I’m not going to use the word “normal” here) sexuality, had that revelation about themselves, even without putting that much thought into it.
Looking at it from a distance it’s easy to see that an important, life-changing insight, is the result of years of moments, distractions, opinions, sights or anything else that might affect your psyche. It’s one spell after another, another piece of the puzzle, until we form that insight and see all the parts of it.
Maybe I’m pushing it here, but I would say it’s a form of greater or lesser magic. It’s just spread out over so many years, over so many experiences. Let me tell you one I had a while ago, something I’ve been keeping in my mind for at least 35 years.
I lived in Västerås as a child, the fifth biggest city in Sweden. Much of this time was in a daze because of parents with their own problems and a general feeling of not being able to fit in, even in such a young age. I had several friends, and one of them was Patrick. I remember him to have brown hair with some red tints in it, with freckles and happy big eyes. One day I had another friend over, a cooler friend. Suddenly someone rang the doorbell and I ran to open the door. It was Patrick. Maybe afraid of being seen with another friend I just punched him on the nose, quite hard, and closed the door on him there - leaving him outside crying. I’m sure my mom came to Patrick’s rescue, but I don’t remember what happen with our friendship after that.
I still feel bad about this. I know, I know, we were just kids. Kids are stupid, with brains hardly developed into something that one can communicate with. But still, it was an awful thing to do.
Patrick and his nose have been on my mind constantly my whole life and sometimes I even think about locating him and talk to him about it, but I also sense that this is something he have forgotten by now. It’s a thing between kids. And it’s over. We’re adults and can cope with childish stuff like this. But it’s hard to let it go. So hard. Until my husband asked me: “Why do you keep that in your mind? What’s worrying you with it?”
My answer was “Because I don’t like to hurt people”.
That’s it. That’s the root to a huge part of my life, me being scared to hurt other people. I don’t mean necessary in a physical way, but emotionally - making them disappointed of me, not being able to live up to who I want to be. Everything, all this whining from my side for at least 35 years, goes back to this very moment, when I as a child punched another boy on the nose.
It started to fade away, this feeling of not being able to live up to what people expect of me. This fear of rejection because I’m not good enough for them.
Suddenly it felt like child’s play. Stupid yes, but in looking at it now, with a whole lifetime in-between, I realize I have nothing to worry about. That boy is not what I am today, and that road, with all those insights, is magic - lesser and greater, whatever that means to you. The insight is the culmination, or maybe the peak, of a synchronization.
A true Satanist needs to be self-critical and self-reflective and it’s very important to realize who you are and what you’ve become. It’s nothing to be ashamed about and to me that’s a sign of real emotional strength. So, deal with it, embrace those insights. And don’t punch people on the nose - if they don’t deserve it of course.
If you blindly believe in and worship a supernatural entity sitting somewhere claiming to be the almighty, all-knowing master of the world and universe I think you’re insane - especially if you also have yourself tied up to organized version of your specific faith. I have more respect for you if you have a personal belief, without getting yourself controlled by either human or god, and an open-mind towards other people and cultures.
It seems like humans in general always had the need to explain everything around them with something that can’t be explained or proved, which is fine. I support mysteries and secrets in life, and as long it won’t hurt anyone else it’s okay for me. But as soon as your ideology fucks with someone else around you, then I consider you’re a hopeless case and deserves very damn shitstorm that’s coming for you.
I’ve always had a hard time being under someone's control, if that’s a teacher or a god or a parent or a friend, it doesn't matter. I don’t need it. I don’t need someone to tell me what to do and what to think. Sure, sometimes in life we need guides - Anton LaVey is one, but I also understand he was a human and like with everything else, never trust anyone else than yourself. Even LaVey would agree on that.
So why this fascination with god, or gods, in any religion? Why do people need him/her/it, why can’t they decide for themselves? The answer is that most people can’t handle the reality. They aren’t smart enough to just accept what’s around them and take responsibility for their own actions, and it lead them to end up in the hands of the biggest psychic vampire of them all, the master of master suppression techniques, the abusive partner, the wife beating husband, the psychopath in charge: god.
The term Master Suppression Technique have been around since the forties and now consists of seven different ways of manipulating and psychologically hurt someone else. A person using this is very likely to be a Psychic Vampire, an expression LaVey made popular, someone that will steal your energy and use you for their own gain.
Heap blame/put to shame.
Force/threat of force.
God, that elusive character in the sky, have always made humans invisible, by ignoring their needs or just making decisions above their heads. Repeatedly. Hey, I’m not happy with this - let’s kill everything with a huge flood! Oh, it’s easier to fit a camel through the eye of a needle than for the rich to enter the heavenly kingdom - if that’s not ridiculing I don’t know what, and it also means 90% of every Christian out there, greedy as they are, won’t even get a chance to enter heaven. Just saying. In his set of rules god obviously left out all the sins that was added later, which probably made millions of followers go to hell instead their desired place, just because god decided to withhold information.
Double bind is when you punish someone whatever they do, and that’s also the destiny of the Christian - like ping pong ball in god’s table tennis tournament - back and forth between what's good and less good and back again because the bible says so. By giving the humans free will they’re also put to blame for everything that’s happening. God is not taking responsibility, as usual. How many times have god and his people criticized and objectified others without reason, blaming it on sin? How could Maria have been transformed into a prostitute if it wasn’t for objectifying her?
And last, but not least, god is the god of wrath. The whole bible is an encyclopedia of threats of violent force, always with humans turning the other cheek and submitting to the abusive behavior. It’s not a surprise many Christians call themselves “god-fearing”.
If god was a human, he would be that dude who jealously asks where you’ve been when you come home late. He would be that guy who won’t allow you to have your own friends. He would fall asleep drunk and bitter in front of the soccer game on TV. Well, I’m not even joking here, the illusion called god is exactly that, just with different words. A psychopath; ready to punish you with one hand and comfort you with the other. You’re a victim of something worse than an ordinary psychic vampire: a psychic vampire created by a submissive humanity who couldn’t deal with their reality.
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