Wydawca: Kitabu Kategoria: Obyczajowe i romanse Język: angielski Rok wydania: 2012

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits. ebook

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Zabezpieczenie: watermark

Opis ebooka Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits. - AA. VV.

Have fun with a collection of more than 1000 Chuck Norris' facts. Volume 5

Opinie o ebooku Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits. - AA. VV.

Fragment ebooka Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits. - AA. VV.

CHUCK NORRIS DOESN'T SLEEP. HE WAITS.

ISBN 978-88-67440-95-5

Series: RADICI

© 2014 KITABU S.r.l.s.

Via Cesare Cesariano 7 - 20154 Milano

Thank you for choosing to read one of ours books.

We wish you a good reading.

Chuck Norris once was approached by a man who said, "Hello, I'm John Joseph Jonny Jr." Realizing that this was an awesomely tongue tying name, he proceeded to give Mr. Jonny a roundhouse kick to the face and stated, "Shut up. I'm Chuck Norris."

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When the Grim Reaper is invited to a Halloween party, he usually comes as Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris could have stopped the Holocaust but he was too busy having sex with an over-sized garden gnome.

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Chuck Norris floats like a butterfly and stings like a tomahawk missile. At mach 3. In the face.

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Chuck Norris once killed a judge and was sent to Alcatraz just to prove he could escape.

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China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth.

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Chuck Norris plays duck-duck-goose with death row inmates.

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There is a picture of Chuck Norris next to 'Justice' in the dictionary. If your dictionary doesn't have this, Chuck Norris will kill you.

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Of Sesame Street fame, Bert and Ernie no longer live together. This was after Chuck Norris raised suspicions about their relationship.

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If Chuck Norris were a volcano, he'd still roundhouse kick you in the face.

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The only reason Chuck Norris didn't win an Oscar for his performance in "Sidekicks" is because nobody in their right mind would willingly give Chuck Norris a blunt metal object. That's just suicide.

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It is said that if you look directly at Chuck Norris' beard you will be turned to stone and you heart will explode.

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Upon arriving on the moon, Neil Armstrong caught a 382500 km touchdown pass from Chuck Norris.

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Two words that lead us to believe that Osama Bin Laden is already dead...Chuck Norris.

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Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know when Chuck Norris is going to kill you.

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Chuck Norris never wins at Hide and Seek because Chuck Norris hides from no one.

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Imaginary numbers are only imaginary because Chuck Norris destroyed them all.

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Chuck Norris has been Around The World in 80 minutes.

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Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.

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In Monopoly, Chuck Norris' game piece is a small, pewter, Chuck Norris. He proclaims, "Thimbles are for queers!"

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Chuck Norris once challenged Tiger Woods in golf. Chuck Norris completed 18 holes with 3 strokes.

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Chuck Norris once bit the right arm off of Mike Tyson for unsportsmanlike conduct.

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Chuck Norris bleeds gasoline. He hasn't bled much lately, and that's why there's a gas crisis.

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Chuck Norris has good reasons to believe that Mary was in fact not a virgin.

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Historians recently uncovered Norwegian scripts depicting Ragnarok not the fight between Odin and Loki, but actually Chuck Norris against Robotic Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris once tried to shave his beard. Needless to say, his beard didn't get any shorter. The razor got a nice trim, though.

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Global warming is the cause of Chuck Norris taking a bath at the North Pole. His body temperature melts the fucking ice.

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Kryptonite is the only thing that can kill superman. Kryptonite was later to be determined as the bowel movements of Chuck Norris.

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The failing economy didn't end communism in Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris did.

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If you can think of a swear word, chances are Chuck Norris invented it while having relations with your mother.

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When the Americans set off the atomic bomb on Hiroshima, all that was left were ashes, bodies, and Chuck Norris reading a newspaper.

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Oscar the Grouch, before moving into Sesame Street was known fondly as; Oscar the Blissfully Happy. Then he hit on Chuck's girlfriend. You can imagine the rest.

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Chuck Norris once won the Gold, Silver and Bronze in the Women's Bobsled. No one ever questioned how he did it.

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Chuck Norris isn't a gynecologist, but he'll take a look.

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Chuck Norris plays Four Square using a standard bowling ball.

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The founders of PepsiCo once watched Chuck Norris lift Mt. Everest and squeeze it until liquid leaked out. They have since tried to duplicate this but have only resulted in the pale imitation known as Mountain Dew.

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Chuck Norris once took a dump and instead of containing bits of corn, it contained Ashlee Simpson, Britney Spears, and the girl from Blossom.

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Chuck Norris is the only Olympic Diver to ever get a gold medal after performing a 1 1/2 somersault with 5 twists after jumping off of his own boner.

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Chuck Norris pisses anabolic steroids.

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Chuck Norris doesn’t teabag girls, he ransacks them.

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Chuck Norris once ate a box of nails, and crapped out the Eiffel Tower.

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Ever wonder what happened to the Kool Aid guy? Well, He made the mistake of breaking through Chuck Norris' wall saying "OH, YEAH". Chuck promptly roundhouse kicked the flavour right out of him, thus creating Crystal Lite.

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Chuck Norris was banned from playing baseball after he hit a ball into the middle of next week.

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When Chuck Norris challenges a play, he always wins.

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Squirrels bury acorns for winter. Chuck Norris buries little children for mid-day snacks.

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Not only did Chuck Norris write and direct Superman 3, he also stared as every character.

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Chuck Norris thought up some of the funniest Chuck Norris facts ever, but he hasn't submitted them to the site because he doesn't believe in any form of submission.

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In 1993 interview with Barbara Walters, Chuck Norris admitted to once punching a hurricane in the face. Walters retorted, "Hurricanes have eyes, but don't, in fact, have faces." to which Norris replied, "Watch your mouth, Hurricane Walters"

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The last person to challenge Chuck Norris to a hand-to-hand combat later became to founder of War-Amps.

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Deer Crossings are nothing more than an opportunity for Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris takes baths in mercury, and poisons the mercury.

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If anyone were to watch more than two episodes of Walker Texas Ranger in a three hour period, their TV will explode due to "Awesomeness Overload".

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Chuck Norris once shaved his beard. When he did, the last unicorn died.

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Chuck Norris is one of three people who actually KNOWS the 11 secret herbs and spices in Kentucky Fried Chicken.

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Chuck Norris never have to manually flush a toilet. He simply points at the content in the toilet bowl, snap his fingers, and the contents of the toilet disappear.

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The Native North American Woodchuck got its name for it's striking resemblance to a Chuck Norris erection.

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When angered, Chuck Norris's core temperature rises to one million times that of the sun & will destroy the entire Universe. This has happened twice so far & leading scientists claim that we are "Long Overdue" for another.

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The name Chuck Norris translates to perfection in twenty different languages.

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Chuck Norris once shat in the Indian Ocean. You saw the pictures of Thailand.

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If Chuck Norris had a dime for every man that didn't die from his roundhouse kick, he would have no dimes.

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"Walker, Texas Ranger" does not have slow motion. Chuck Norris' roundhouse kicks are just so fast they slow down time.

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Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.

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Chuck Norris created a circle with corners.

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Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked his grandmother in the mouth on Christmas morning. Socks again.

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Mr. T once defeated Chuck Norris in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, Chuck Norris invented racism.

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Chuck Norris was always watching Rockwell.

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Chuck Norris was once forced to attend a wedding he didn't want to go to. He roundhoused the groom, fucked his mother, the bride, her mother, the bridesmaids and drunk the bar dry. No one forces Chuck to do anything without a little payback.

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When Chuck Norris goes to the movies his friends call him Fire!!! because it is safer than saying Chuck Norris in a crowd.

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Chuck Norris once helped jump start a Hummer using his nipples. The Hummer exploded.

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The Bermuda Triangle was once in the shape of a square, but Chuck Norris kicked one of the corners off it.

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When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris never starred in "Sidekicks". That was a look-a-like that was later fed to a python by Chuck himself. The movie has yet to be released on DVD, for obvious reasons.

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When Chuck Norris stubs his toe, the Earth shakes.

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Chuck Norris got drunk and fucked the Statue of Liberty, then bragged about it to the Lincoln Memorial.

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Chuck Norris invented the triangle and then used it to beat the shit out of Pythagoras.

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Pray that Chuck Norris never decides to look directly at the sun. It's a stare down contest and the sun will lose, casting a perpetual night upon us all.

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Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is "The Two"

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Chuck Norris only uses one chopstick.

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Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Professor X. Thats how he ended up in a wheelchair.

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Chuck Norris invented the Internet. He only had Al Gore claim to have done it so that he could stop killing people for asking him to fix it.

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Chuck Norris is the only white African-American in existence.

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Chuck Norris' ring tone is a little girl crying.

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Coffee gets burned on Chuck Norris' tongue.

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One time a little girl asked Chuck Norris for some spare change. He kidnapped her, ate her intestines, and published a novel about these events by the title "Where's Waldo".

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There once was a man from Nantucket. Then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face.

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Chuck Norris took both the Red Pill and Blue Pill.

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When Chuck Norris approaches a stop sign, it turns green and says go.

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Chuck Norris is not the second coming of Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ was the first coming of Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

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JK Rowling had to set the Harry Potter Series in England, because in America if someone is referred to as He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, everyone knows they mean Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris built MacGyver out of a B-cup bra, a mint flavoured toothpick and an empty Skittles pack.

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The shadow from Chuck Norris' moustache can accurately predict the length of winter to within 4 seconds. The groundhog has been rendered obsolete.

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One day Chuck Norris decided that his house wasn't close enough to the water. He then created global warming.

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Chuck Norris once donated blood. Turns out he has type X blood type and ended up killing half of Asia and a horse.

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The Leaning Tower of Pisa was the result of a light Chuck Norris roundhouse kick that actually took place in Poland.

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Chuck Norris is the human equivalent of the bus from Speed.

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There was once a set of numbers Chuck Norris did not like. We now know them as Imaginary Numbers.

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The source of the "Day Fires" has now been discovered. Turns out some fucking jerk bet Chuck Norris he couldn't light a fart on fire.

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The book of revelations was wrote after Chuck Norris pissed in the snow!

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E.T. wanted to home so bad because Chuck Norris was looking for him.

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Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

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Chuck Norris has an ongoing feud with the Keebler elves. It started when they stole his idea for putting a kitchen in a tree. While the elves now make subpar cookies in the tree, Chuck's tree contains a fully functioning crystal meth lab.

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Millions of years ago, all of the continents were joined as a super-continent that scientists call "Pangaea". And then Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked a brontosaurus into a mountain.

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Chuck Norris has secretly kept a speech for an Oscar win for the last 25 years. It starts, "I can't fucking believe this either, but..."

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Chuck Norris writes only in the first person because that’s the only person that matters to anyone.

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Chuck Norris nipples can cause severe tire damage.

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Chuck Norris uses real mouses to navigate through windows on his computer. He shuts down the computer by eating the mouse.

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Chuck Norris once earned his MD by beating 84 Doctors in the game Operation.

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Chuck Norris started the I love Chuck Norris Facebook Group, he then tracked down everyone who joined it and proceeded to roundhouse kick them into oblivion for being tools of the media.

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Santa stopped existing after visiting the Norris residence. Rudolph got off easy.

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If you see Chuck Norris crying he will grant you a wish, if your wish is dying.

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Chuck Norris versus God, who would win? Trick question! Chuck Norris is God.

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Chuck Norris always has the conch. Always.

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Chuck Norris holds the Guinness World Record for punching babies.

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Chuck Norris rarely has to leave his house. If he wants to go somewhere, he just tells it to "get the fuck over here".

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