Wydawca: Kitabu Kategoria: Obyczajowe i romanse Język: angielski Rok wydania: 2012

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. ebook

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Zabezpieczenie: watermark

Opis ebooka Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. - AA. VV.

Have fun with a collection of more than 1000 Chuck Norris' facts. Volume 1

Opinie o ebooku Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. - AA. VV.

Fragment ebooka Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. - AA. VV.

CHUCK NORRIS COUNTED TO INFINITY - TWICE.

ISBN 978-88-67440-91-7

Series: RADICI

© 2014 KITABU S.r.l.s.

Via Cesare Cesariano 7 - 20154 Milano

Thank you for choosing to read one of ours books.

We wish you a good reading.

If you feel like you're having a bad day, just think about all the poor souls Chuck Norris has roundhouse kicked.

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Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris has the largest economy in the world; and by economy, I mean penis.

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Chuck Norris had sex with a Mack truck once, the result was Optimus Prime.

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Captain Planet doesn't enjoy having a mullet, it's just that Chuck Norris has threatened to kill him should he ever try to change his hair style.

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One must promptly recognize Chuck Norris... always. One time, my buddy said, "Is that Chuck N-", and his head exploded.

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Chuck Norris commits suicide on Friday evenings just to spice up the weekends.

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Chuck Norris couldn't strangle you, but he'd sure as hell decapitate you.

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When Chuck Norris takes a leak, a rainbow appears.

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Chuck Norris' belly button is an "inny". Inside Chuck's belly button is an alternate universe where thousands of Chuck Norriseseseses are training to get their buddies out of a Viet-Cong P.O.W. camp.

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Sperm count for a normal human male ranges from 20-150 million. Chuck Norris' sperm count is only one, but it's two feet long, and wants out NOW.

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Even Chuck Norris has a sense of humour. Nobody dares to test it, though.

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Chuck Norris doesn't brush his teeth. He points his fist at his mouth and the plaque jumps out.

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Chuck Norris votes people off of the island by roundhouse kicking them into the ocean.

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Chuck Norris once pinned James Bond down with a single finger and forced him to say, "The name's Norris; Chuck Norris."

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In order to speed up the wait time for death row inmates, Texas added death by roundhouse kicks to the list of acceptable methods of execution. The wait has gone down from 7 years to before you step out of the courthouse.

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Chuck Norris' beard has natives.

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Legend has it that John Wayne was so tough, he had to use sandpaper to wipe his ass. Chuck Norris is so tough, he uses John Wayne.

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Chuck Norris is Darth Vader's father.

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Chuck Norris is currently the number one cure for VD. His sheer penetration automatically destroys all parasites.

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Chuck Norris doesn’t look at the toilet paper after he wipes.

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Chuck Norris melts dry ice in his pool so he can swim without getting wet.

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The "World's Strongest Man" competition is now called the "World's Second Strongest Man" because of Chuck Norris.

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There is no such thing as global warming, Chuck Norris just got cold, so he reached out and turned up the sun.

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As a poor college student, Chuck Norris went to the local sperm bank to make some quick cash. He retired later that day.

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Chuck Norris invented the spork.

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Everyone uses Google to find out facts about anything and everything. Google uses Chuck Norris.

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Great minds have purposes. Chuck Norris: Kill.

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Chuck Norris's sperm are as big as eels

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Nobody has ever heard a woman while she was in bed with Chuck Norris. This is because only dogs can hear the frequencies in which they're screaming.

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Chuck Norris' feet accounted for more damage in 2005 than both the war in Iraq and Hurricane Katrina.

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Chuck Norris frequently burns down art museums because he believes the only legitimate arts are martial.

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When boiled in hot water, the hair from Chuck Norris's beard turns into crack cocaine.

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Chuck Norris quickly realized he hated hockey after attending one NHL game. The Winnipeg Jets and Hartford Whalers are still missing to this day.

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Dogs mark their territory with their urine. Chuck Norris marks his territory with the blood of his enemies.

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In the beginning Chuck Norris said, "Let there be light," then swiftly kicked the universe in the throat, laughed, and lit a fart on fire.

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Chuck Norris once filled in for Santa Claus, but was fired by Jesus because he gave every child only a Total Gym and a box set of every Walker Texas Ranger episode ever made.

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The only line Chuck Norris stands in is the line of fire.

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If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.

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If Chuck Norris was in the show 24, it would be called 2.

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The Army's slogan, "Army of One," was based on every single Chuck Norris movie ever created.

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If at first you don't succeed, you are obviously not Chuck Norris.

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A solar eclipse is a sign that Chuck Norris won a staring contest against the sun... again.

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Chuck Norris once came upon a dying monkey. After urinating and raping and injecting it with steroids, Chuck devoured it in one bite. Later that day he gave birth to Vin Diesel.

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The US State Department has tried to hire Chuck Norris because he can kick ass in 29 different languages, as well as 5 dialects of Chinese.

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Chuck Norris once overdosed on heroin. He didn't even notice.

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Had Chuck Norris been cast as a bad guy in Die Hard 3, you can bet your ass there wouldn't have been a Die Hard 4.

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Chuck Norris stole your left sock.

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Chuck Norris is one of the most prolific writers of his time, this is because time is not a factor in Chuck Norris' life.

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Chuck Norris can read lips with his eyes closed.

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The Grand Canyon is the result of Chuck Norris' temper tantrum after he lost the election. His platform was, "I'm against abortion, but for killing babies."

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Chuck Norris is the only individual powerful enough to resist the urge to tickle Elmo.

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Chuck Norris can literally melt a woman's heart with one steely eyed wink.

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On the set of Walker, Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris's beard has its own trailer.

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If one day you wake up and find out that your wife, daughter, mom, grandma and dog are all pregnant then Chuck Norris obviously knows you've been on this website.

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Chuck Norris once drank so much beer, all of the breweries of the world ran out. And then he started on wine...

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The "Brillo Pad" is actually made of the extra clippings from Chuck Norris' taint.

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When Saddam Hussein was captured by US forces, he stated that he "would like to negotiate". Negotiations immediately broke down when Saddam was informed that Chuck Norris was waiting outside.

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The Last person to ask Chuck Norris what the best show on CBS was got a spur through the cornea and ate horseshit for seven years.

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Some say that if you hold a seashell to your ear you can hear the ocean. If however you were to hold the shoe of Chuck Norris to your ear, you would hear a thousand years worth of screaming women and children.

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Chuck Norris was skipping stones off the coast of New Jersey and accidentally killed 13 people in Europe.

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When Chuck Norris farts, everyone within a two mile radius gets third degree burns.

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The only weapons found on Chuck Norris' gun rack are prosthetic limbs.

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Fear was a word created to describe Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris doesn't supply collateral, only collateral damage.

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Chuck Norris cultivates a small population of third world orphans with red hair so he can harvest them at a moments notice for his beard.

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Chuck Norris once bought a six pack and a bag of Cracker Jacks with a couple of paper clips, some lint, and a rubber band and got $4 in change back.

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Chuck Norris once tried to play baseball. When it was his turn to hit, he left the bat behind and decided he would roundhouse kick it. The pitcher threw the fastest pitch he could, but the ball blew up half way to the plate out of fear.

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Chuck Norris pisses ammonia.

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Only Chuck Norris is capable of consecutively firing a six-shooter seven times.

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Chuck Norris was in "Barbie Horse Adventures" on the PC. After they shot the end FMV, he ate all the horses and directors and put a "Hot-Coffee" mini-game in.

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The meteor that supposedly killed the dinosaurs was just Chuck Norris being formed from awesome molecules, resulting in a second big bang.

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The poet John Donne once wrote that, "No man is an island." Upon hearing this, Chuck Norris went on to construct an island out of Donne's carcass just to prove that fucker wrong.

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Super Mario once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight. Mario used a mushroom to make himself bigger, but this only resulted in Chuck's roundhouse kick hitting him in the crotch instead of the face. Chuck Norris remains undefeated.

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When you get killed by Chuck Norris you don't go to hell because Chuck thinks the devil is too lenient.

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Chuck Norris eats his cereal out of the bottom of Terri Schiavo's skull.

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Chuck Norris received both a Grammy and Platinum sales status for his hit single. The song consists of two and half minutes of straight silence.

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Chuck Norris' dandruff has been a large part of our society since the 1970's...We know it as cocaine.

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It is commonly believed that DUIs are the source of most car accidents. However, this is wrong. Most car accidents are caused by seeing Chuck Norris in a car. Not only is everyone trying to get out of the way, but you never know who he is looking for.

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The Discovery Channel show MythBusters dedicated an episode towards finding out if these Chuck Norris facts were true. Chuck left one member of the crew alive only to kill him seconds later with soda and pop rocks.

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Watching a Chuck Norris movie will make your testicles grow 12%. And this actually happens with females too.

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Hell is waiting until Chuck Norris dies before it freezes over. Hell will be waiting a long time.

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Chuck Norris is the only person who can burn a house under water.

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It turns out that God ~can~ create a rock he can't lift. But Chuck Norris can lift it.

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Rather than "good intentions," Chuck Norris paved the road to Hell with the mangled corpses of the Viet Cong.

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In Jurassic Park, the water shaking in the glass was from Chuck Norris masturbating halfway around the world. The dinosaur was purely coincidence.

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The last time Chuck Norris slept is now known as the Ice Age.

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If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."

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Every single person who has ever quoted "Napolean Dynamite" is now on Chuck Norris' list. Chuck Norris hates that fucking movie.

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Chuck Norris has never been rained upon. Mother Nature can't risk those kinds of repercussions.

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Chuck Norris knew the "Secret of the Ooze" before Splinter or Shredder.

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Anything you can do Chuck Norris can do better.

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When Chuck Norris was a baby, the doctor slapped him to see if he would cry. But Chuck Norris didn't cry, he merely stood up on the table and roundhouse kicked the doctor in the face.

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Florida is often referred to as America's wang. Chuck Norris laughs at America's small stature.

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Giraffes have long necks because they pecked at Chuck Norris' beard, so he kicked their heads upward.

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Chuck Norris' ball sweat is an acid so potent, the only things that can withstand it are Chuck Norris' balls.

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Starting in the year 2007, all forms will have 3 boxes for people to mark their gender: Male, Female, and Chuck Norris.

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The only thing Chuck Norris ever lost was his virginity

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Chuck Norris invented EZ Squeeze Cheeze, he got the idea from crushing a man until his intestines came out of his mouth.

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Justin Gatlin won the 100 meter dash when he saw Chuck Norris behind him in the stands.

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Much like the biblical legend Samson, Chuck Norris's beard is the source of his power. Shave it off, and he becomes merely a mortal who could still kick your ass.

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The Universe is expanding only to get away from Chuck Norris.

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Jawbreakers were originally in the shape of Chuck Norris' fist.

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Chuck Norris once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road.

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Chuck Norris shaves with a John Deere tractor.

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It is said time heals all wounds. Chuck Norris destroyed time because he likes people to stay permanently wounded.

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Chuck Norris does not have your normal human-style, male nipples. He has a Dodge Ram hood ornament on each pec, and both rams blow smoke out of their noses each and every time he pumps Christy Brinkley.

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Chuck Norris goes to the toilet once a month, if he needs to or not.

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Bulletproof vests are completely filled with fibbers of Chuck Norris' beard.

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Most people use "or else" when issuing a threat. Chuck Norris doesn't have to. The only possible result of ignoring his threats is death, and that's simply understood.

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Chuck Norris' semen is the polio vaccine.

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