Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors. - AA. VV. - ebook
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Have fun with a collection of more than 1000 Chuck Norris' facts. Volume 4

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CHUCK NORRIS CAN SLAM REVOLVING DOORS.

ISBN 978-88-674409-4-8

Series: RADICI

© 2014 KITABU S.r.l.s.

Via Cesare Cesariano 7 - 20154 Milano

Thank you for choosing to read one of ours books.

We wish you a good reading.

Chuck Norris put Stephen Hawking in that wheelchair. Hawking still freely admits that it was the greatest sexual experience he ever had.

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The U.S National Debt is a result of Chuck Norris' tax return.

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Chuck Norris once won a chilly contest simply by picking up the country of Chile and carrying it there with him. No one dare tell him they aren't the same.

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Chuck Norris once crushed a school bus full of children with his forehead.

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Chuck Norris can have unprotected sex with a volcano.

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We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.

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Chuck Norris shits Olympic gold medals, then feeds them to his dogs, which he then eats.

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On the 7th day, God wasn't resting; he was hiding from Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris is not a man; he is the culmination of hundreds of years of black oppression.

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Chuck Norris makes coffee out of women’s screams and the fear of children.

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once ate a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

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Chuck Norris thinks that MacGyver is a complete prick because he doesn't have facial hair.

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When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anaesthesia was applied to the doctors.

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Chuck Norris saves lives by not going to 3rd world countries.

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Each individual sperm cell in Chuck Norris' semen has a beard.

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Chuck Norris once visited the Middle East. While there, the Living Sea questioned his martial arts ability. Now it's the Dead Sea.

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The original design for the Total Gym included a Chuck Norris robot that would roundhouse kick the user in the face if they stopped working out.

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In the late 1980's, President Ronald Reagan asked Russian Premier Mikhail Gorbachev to tear down the Berlin Wall. Why you might ask? So that Chuck Norris could have more target practice.

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Chuck Norris does not open doors for his date. He roundhouse kicks them down. Her, too.

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Chuck Norris went as Chuck Norris for Halloween. He got twice as much candy as anybody.

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Contrary to popular belief, a meteor did not end the dinosaurs' existence. It was Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick; it was so powerful it left a massive crater in the earth.

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Chuck Norris shaves his beard daily with a chainsaw, but when chuck looks in the mirror, it immediately grows back.

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If you ever meet Chuck Norris, he may flaunt the fact that he is "fluent in over 6 million forms of communication". Be wary though, as most of these are either a punch to the face, or a kick to the groin.

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Despite what your family, your doctor, even what your genealogy says, Chuck Norris IS your daddy.

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Two and a Half Men was originally a show only about Chuck Norris.

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Every second Chuck Norris gets married. Every 3 seconds he kills his wife. After 4 seconds he starts again.

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Chuck Norris created the first perpetual motion machine by hanging a Volkswagen Beetle on the end of a tetherball pole then kicking it. Thus he solved the world's energy problem.

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Jack and Jill ran up the hill, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Jack down and made sweet barbaric love to Jill, then they both went home crying.

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Chuck Norris snorts battery acid to get a buzz. He claims it tickles.

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Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is an optical illusion. His right foot doesn't swing around and hit your head, his left foot spins the earth so that your head hits his foot.

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Chuck Norris has been doing it for so long that his "Whoop Ass" still comes in a mason jar.

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Chuck Norris speaks in 5.1 Dolby Digital Surround Sound.

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Never stare directly at Chuck Norris, or you will burn out your retinas.

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Chuck Norris is currently suing the band Earth, Wind and Fire, claiming that he is all three combined.

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Chuck Norris once commented, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none."

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Chuck Norris' bologna has no first name.

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Chuck Norris knows no limit simply because limit is too scared to introduce itself

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Chuck Norris fixed the hole in the ozone layer.

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Chuck Norris once climbed Niagara Falls.

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Chuck Norris once impregnated every virgin on the planet on the same day and they all gave birth on the same day nine months later. This day has been called Labour Day.

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Chuck Norris has been forever banned from Blockbuster for taping over the ending of every movie to include himself.

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Chuck Norris' sperm does not make babies, it kills babies.

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Rock music was originally call Chuck Norris music but Chuck Norris only recognizes screaming as music.

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Chuck Norris has flown tons of food and medical supplies into New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina. Chuck Norris has never piloted an aircraft.

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Congress rejected a bill for the 22nd straight year that would make Chuck Norris the official death penalty in Texas because they still believe "a fatal roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris is more of an honour than a penalty."

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Chuck Norris once beat a Korean at Star craft.

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The opening scene from "Saving Private Ryan" is actually Chuck Norris playing dodgeball in elementary school.

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Chuck Norris not only has eyes on the back of his head; he has them on each of his toes, so that he can see the reaction of the lucky person getting a roundhouse kick in the face.

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Looking for a safe stance on abortion? Neither is Chuck Norris.

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When Chuck Norris decides to wake, he makes the sun rise.

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The game Halo is actually based on Chuck Norris' real life. However, the game designers decided to put a helmet on the main character so that heads wouldn't explode at the sight of Chuck Norris in space.

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The Chuck Norris action figure is responsible for eighty-four percent of all cases of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

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If you burn one of Chuck Norris' beard hairs and inhale the fumes you get high for 56 years.

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Chuck Norris can destroy the Police Drones in City of Heroes. At level one.

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Chuck Norris once pissed on a rock. Thus creating the Rosetta Stone

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If Chuck Norris were to fart, a new universe would be created. Hence, the "Big Bang" theory.

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Chuck Norris invented the Sun to light his cigars with.

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Chuck Norris eats pirates and shits ninjas.

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Chuck Norris invented alcohol as a means to give people enough courage to fight him. He started to get bored with wiping brains off his boots so he invented prohibition.

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If trapped in a basement, Chuck Norris can live on basement moisture and insects for over 30 years.

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If Chuck Norris were on the Supreme Court ever single case decided would be unanimous and there certainly wouldn't be any dissenting opinions.

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The sound of Chuck Norris scratching his beard makes angels weep.

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Pressing the 'X' button in Halo 3 transforms Master Chief into Chuck Norris.

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The British drive on the left side of the road, because Chuck Norris drives on the right.

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Chuck Norris' immune system once gave herpes the HIV virus.

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Though Chuck Norris only wears a size 34 jeans, he can still fold you up and put you in his pocket.

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Uncle Sam doesn't want you anymore. He's got Chuck Norris.

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Every time Chuck Norris smiles, another Ethiopian child dies of starvation.

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The Fantastic 4 was originally The Fantastic 5 until Chuck Norris was kicked out for raping the Invisible Woman.

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Chuck Norris was asked to read for the part of William Wallace in Braveheart but when it came time for Chuck to scream freedom before he died he screamed "Don't Fuck with Chuck!" then proceeded to kill everyone in the casting room except Mel Gibson.

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Chuck Norris can kill your thoughts.

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When Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks you, he tears a hole in the fabric of space and time, which sucks you into a parallel universe filled with Chuck Norrises, all waiting to roundhouse kick you back into the normal dimension.

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Heaven is a concept invented by Chuck Norris to ease people's minds of the thought of their eventual death caused by a roundhouse kick to the neck.

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Chuck Norris is single-handedly responsible for the creation of every sexual-education video in history.

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Chuck Norris is the reason you have a penis.

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Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.

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If you ever hear Chuck Norris discussing "religion" or "the afterlife", stay the fuck away. He will typically try to get his point across by "sending someone to hell".

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Chuck Norris breathes pain instead of oxygen.

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Chuck Norris' refrigerator is running. For it's life.

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Chuck Norris is one of the Twelve superhumans that can eat their own heads and live to tell the tale (using sign language).

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Chuck once laughed so hard milk came out his mom's nose.

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The Big Bang did not happen, Chuck Norris did.

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That which does not kill you only makes Chuck Norris liable to do it properly himself.

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Chuck Norris is responsible for the conception and birth of every child since 1955.

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Chuck Norris is desperately working on a way to have sexual intercourse with himself because he has finally realized that he is the sexiest person on the planet... and everyone knows that Chuck Norris does not settle for second best.

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The love for Jesus lost most of its importance after Chuck Norris was born.

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Death checks with Chuck Norris before he makes a move.

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Chuck Norris expected the Spanish Inquisition.

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The Movie "Unbreakable" was originally about Chuck Norris' Tetris Hi-Score.

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Chuck Norris took Heroin for 11 months - just to show how easily he could get off it.

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If it was not for Chuck Norris destroying the lives of so many people in America, the show Extreme Home Makeover would have been cancelled a long time ago.

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Chuck Norris invented the vagina for his own personal use. Every woman in the world stole his idea.

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If an EMP were to go off within a close proximity of Chuck Norris, he would be rendered useless for a short period of time, because over 500 years ago, he traded the ability to see the future to Nostradamus for cybernetic arms, legs, and heart.

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Chuck Norris once made love to a Sasquatch. This resulted in the birth of George W. Bush, and the Sasquatch contacting an incurable form of Syphillis, known as "The Norris Clap".

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The Pope preys to Chuck Norris

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Every time Chuck Norris ejaculates, an angel gets it beard.

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Not only does Chuck Norris have a beard, but his penis has a beard and his beard has a penis.

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In the name of the Father, The Son, and Chuck Norris. Amen.

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Sonar was invented after US military officials gave clearance for funding towards research that observed Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking a metal pole at the bottom of the Atlantic ocean.

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The praying mantis has a 31% chance of devouring her mate after sex. For Chuck Norris, that percent is 100.

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Snap, Crackle, and Pop were named after the sounds that were made when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked their father into a barn.

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Chuck Norris once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.

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Most people put Tabasco sauce on their food if they want it more spicy. If Chuck Norris wants his food spicy he uses lava.

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Chuck Norris wipes his ass with broken glass.

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Chuck Norris can shoot a mosquito in left testicle from a mile away.

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Chuck Norris' feces smells like bakery fresh cinnamon rolls.

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Chuck Norris once fought off 42 ninjas blindfolded, while having sex with 3 women.

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There once was a boy from Nantucket, but then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face.

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When Chuck Norris watches Dragonball Z, Namek really does explode in 5 minutes.

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Chuck Norris invented STD's as a way of leaving behind something besides an unwanted pregnancy after he has sex.

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You can never beat Chuck Norris, you only think you can...and while your thinking, you'll get a roundhouse kick to the face.

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When Chuck Norris has the munchies, entire farming communities go out of business.

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In a previous life Chuck Norris saved me from a man with a gun, only to teach me how to die by his foot.

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Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.

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A set of human teeth encased in glass adorn Chuck Norris' fireplace mantel. A nice gold insignia plate beneath it reads, "George Foreman's Grill."

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It is Chuck Norris' eye that adorns the Great Seal on the back of the $1 bill. He is all seeing.

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